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'Clerk Sells-Out'
Jersey Girl
RATING: C
Starring: Ben
Affleck, Liv Tyler, George Carlin, Stephen Root, Mike Starr, introducing
Raquel Castro, with Jason Biggs and Jennifer Lopez. Casting by
Avy Kaufman, Costume Designer Juliet Polcsa, Music by James Venable,
Edited by Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier, Production Designer Robert
Holtzman, Director of Photography Vilmos Zsigmond, Executive Producers
Bob Weinstein, Harry Weinstein, Jonathan Gordon, Produced by Scott
Mosier, Written and Directed by Kevin Smith.
Rated PG-13, Running
Time 110 mins. 2.35:1 Anamorphic Scope Aspect Ratio.
I'm not a parent, but
I know what one must feel like when a child does something completely
stupid and you just wanna slap them on the butt and ask, "What
the hell were you thinking?" I've always been a fan of director
Kevin Smith since his debut "Clerks" because he felt
like one of us, a fan that loved and appreciated movies and got
to break into the big time. His films have never had any visual
sense, but it’s his tenacity as well as his knack for comedic
and intelligent dialogue that have awarded him with the fans he
has today. Three years ago he laid the characters of Jay and Silent
Bob to rest in an effort to focus on more quality films. I'm still
waiting for his adaptation of "Fletch Won" but after
seeing his latest feature "Jersey Girl" I've become
more than a bit nervous.
 Smith
always struck me as the type of guy who didn't take himself seriously.
He saw filmmaking as a collaborative process and not the solo
work of the director himself. He always claimed you'd never see
the phrase "A Kevin Smith Film" because a production
was something a director never did alone. Anyone who’s heard
his college lectures knows what a down to earth guy he is and
his desire to grow as a filmmaker. "Jersey Girl" is
a project I've been waiting to see for a few years now. It has
been endlessly delayed and along with the constant appearances
of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez 's love life in the media I
almost thought I'd never get to see it. Now it's finally here
and I'm sorry to say that I'm in the mood to give Smith that much
needed smack in the ass.
Once again we have
Ben Affleck starring in a Kevin Smith feature, this time as Ollie
Trinke a big time publicist who has what else, big time problems.
The film opens with a cute little montage involving grade school
kids individually getting in front of the class to tell their
ideal story. In a hokey fashion, the focus then shifts to a bright-eyed
young Gertie (Raquel Castro) who tells the story of how her father
Ollie and mother Gertrude (Lopez) met. Flashback to a decade earlier
and Ollie is a hotshot New York publicist who meets and marries
the woman of his dreams only to lose her in childbirth before
the opening credits come to an end. Bitter over the loss of his
wife Ollie absorbs himself within his work and much to his father
George Carlin's chagrin, ignores his infant daughter. His frustration
causes him to explode at a press conference at which he blasts
a group of fellow publicists and claims that "the Fresh Prince"
will never be a star.
 Flash
forward to the present and Ollie has lost his job and credibility
as a publicist, now operating a street sweeper like his father
in the Highlands of Jersey. He's taken responsibility as a father
and has an unbreakable bond with Gertie, but he still misses the
thrill of being an agent. Soon he crosses paths with Maya (Liv
Tyler) a clerk at the local video store that should be named "Miramax
Heaven" since every video they carry comes from that studio.
("From Dusk Till Dawn" in the new release section? Come
on) Maya catches the lonely Ollie accidentally renting a gay adult
video and as a part time student wants to interview him for her
thesis. Of course being that they’re both two good looking
young singles they’re attracted to each other and Maya is
eager to give Ollie a "mercy jump." Despite having a
healthy relationship with Gertie, Ollie is still unhappy with
his role in life and living at home with his father. He wants
to get back into the game as a publicist but at what cost? You
know, the usual dilemma. Is my career more important than my family?
I'm sure you know what you'll decide.
 The
problem with "Jersey Girl" is that it doesn't seem like
a movie made by Kevin Smith. I'm not talking about bathroom humor
or the appearance of Jay and Silent Bob, even they couldn't save
this movie. The film just isn't smart like the Smith stories we're
used to. The story, the writing, dialogue and characters are so
cliché that it’s almost something Smith himself would
normally crack at. There's some nice work by the cast including
Carlin in a humorous yet mature role, Stephen Root and Mike Starr
as his buddies, Jason Biggs as Affleck's former assistant and
even Lopez herself in what's barely a cameo. Tyler again is able
to project that radiant quality of hers with a sense of maturity
and encouragement that makes Affleck look better. Sorry to say,
she can only help him but so much.
A friend of mine always
asks me "What ever happened to Ben Affleck? He was so great
in Chasing Amy, I miss that guy." That film was probably
his best role and other than some supporting work in "Boiler
Room" I can't think of a single film where the man has left
a positive impression on me. He is one of the worst actors around
today, and I really want to like this guy. Raquel Castro is a
real gem and she manages to leave him in the dust with he acting
skills. Even the infant playing Gertie as a newborn is a better
actor than Affleck. This baby has better expressions and emotions
than Affleck's entire repertoire. Why does Smith continue to use
the guy so damn much? And boy is he the worst at crying. His eyes
get all pink and he goes "wee, wee" like he's having
an allergic reaction to something Lopez cooked. How does he do
it? Does he A) think about what a better Affleck his hetero life
partner Matt Damon is? B) Use onions or poke his eyes with his
fingers? Or C) Think about Gwenyth, J.Lo or the box-office blunder
that "Gigli" was? Whatever it is it aint working pal.
 Smith
has seemed to miss the mark in the humor department, it just doesn't
work. One example is where Gertie tries to put on a production
of "Sweeney Todd" for family night and convinces her
entire family to re-enact the musical's murder scene in front
of her school. No one laughs and that's supposed to be the joke.
Even the appearance of Will Smith who gives Affleck's character
advice without knowing who he is just boring with a predictable
outcome. He even resorts to using sappy songs from Stevie Nicks
to Peter Gabriel's "Let My Love Open The Door." Why
not use "Shock The Monkey" while you're at it? I've
always been a fan of the 2.35:1 wide screen anamorphic film aspect
ratio. We see life in wide screen and even the simplest films
can be given an added visual scope with this format. Why Kevin
Smith has used it for his last three films now is beyond me. He
has no interesting visual compositions within the frame and how
he managed to snag legendary cinematographer Vilmos Zsigmond is
a mystery. It's almost like he's sold out and his head has gotten
too big. Look at the poster and you'll see "A New Comedy
By Kevin Smith" above the title and you'll see what I mean.
I understand that the
guy is trying to make a sensitive comedy and recent fatherhood
and marriage have probably brought this out in him. That's good,
I encourage that and am eager to see him make those kinds of films.
But no something so generic, so boring and so dumb. He needs to
stop writing these films himself, go back and study visual film
technique and fashion a film that will appeal to no only his die-hard
fans but everyone. I have faith in the man...as long as he gets
rid of "DareDevil". You guys aint Scorsese and DeNiro.
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