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SKY HIGH
RATING: Full
Price<<<<<<<
Matinee
Wait for DVD
Wait for Cable
Wait for Sky High 2: Russelliscious
Starring: Kurt
Russell, Kelly Preston, Lynda Carter, Michael Angarano, Danielle
Panabaker, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Bruce Campbell, Dave Foley,
Steven Strait. Paul Hernandez, Bob Schooley, Mark McCorkle, Jonathan
Aibel, Glenn Berger, Matt Lopez. Directed by Mike Mitchell.
Rated PG for action violence and
some mild language.
****DISCLAIMER****
These reviews are for entertainment purposes only. Unlike most
reviews written in print or online, these reviews are chock full
of wit, insider information, nougat, almonds, caramel, and creamy
white chocolate. Oops! Wait. That’s not creamy white chocolate…
Going to the movie theater in this day and age is like sacrificing
a third of your hard earned paycheck. Most matinees (At least
in the greater Los Angeles area. Not sure where the rest of you
hillbillies live) cost around $10. And that’s just for the
matinee. Regular prices can creep up to $14 for adults. You get
a discount for being a student or senior citizen but it’s
not money off of the ticket. Merely the satisfaction that that
IS actual butter the snack counter employees are putting on your
popcorn when their back is turned to you. Children’s prices
are cheaper but since I have no children that I know of or want
to claim, I don’t care how much it cost for them. But why
are movies so expensive? Where does your money go? Using my contacts
deep within the bowels of Hollywood, I have discovered the reasons
why you are paying so much money to take a girl out who may or
may not ignore you once the movie is over.
Redesigned Multiplexes: Remember dollar theaters?
Now they’re porn shops. Theater chains such as AMC have
been building theaters the size of the Roman Coliseum to make
sure they can get in as many movies and people as they can fit.
With names such as the AMC 7 Blocks O’ Cinema, Century 13’s
Dome of Movies For Your Fat Ass, Pacific Theaters High Income
Thunder Dome or Mann This Theater Is Fucking Big, prices are going
to go up to cover the costs to make sure your ½ mile walk
from the ticket tearer to theater # 14 is covered.
Plush Stadium Seating: “Sir, could you
remove your hat?” is no longer a question asked as you can
sit anywhere and get a great view from the comfort of your seats
that also have nifty armrests with cup holders. Rows also have
more legroom, ensuring the guy behind you can get more force behind
him as he’s kicking the back of your chair.
Digital Projection: Scratches and black dots
on the screen signaling a reel change are a thing of the past.
Now you can watch all of your animation classics and CGI laden
films in awesome digital projection. Movies have never looked
better. And once they come out with Story, Acting and Plot Projectors,
you might actually get your money’s worth every time you
go see a Ben Stiller movie.
Surround Sound: Wow! Did World War III begin?
No silly! It’s the theaters 75 speakers that are enveloping
you in explosive car crushing goodness! However, the volume will
either be so loud your wife will miscarry or so screwed up only
the center speaker will be working. Clean up on Row 45!
 Our
‘Producers for the Ethical Treatment of Actors’ movie
this week is Disney’s Sky
High starring Kurt Russell as superhero Dad Steve
Stronghold and Kelly Preston as superhero Mom Josie Jetstream.
The casting was a surprise treat with appearances by Kids In The
Hall alumni Kevin McDonald and Dave Foley, Broken Lizard’s
Kevin Heffernan, cult favorite Bruce Campbell as Coach Boomer
and even Wonder Woman herself Lynda Carter playing Principal Powers.
Oh, and there’s a bunch of kids who take up most of the
screen time but who’s names escape me. Except for 17 year
old Danielle Panabaker who plays Layla. She’s so cute that
I want a picture of her on my jail cell wall.
Set in a world filled with superheroes,
young Will Stronghold has the planet’s two greatest crime
fighters as parents. But how will they react when they learn that
Will has inherited none of their superpowers? Sky
High is a school in the clouds that educates
young superheroes and sidekicks. Sounds great except Will doesn’t
have his powers yet, is oblivious that his best friend Layla is
in love with him and has to deal with a school bully who wants
revenge for his villain father being imprisoned by Will’s
Dad. Top that off with being picked as a sidekick instead of a
hero and the crush he’s gotten for student body President
Gwen Grayson, and young Will Stronghold has his hands full. Could
be worse though, he could be gay.
 I
wasn’t sure what to expect when I saw this. Well, I was
just hoping it didn’t suck, but I was pleasantly surprised.
Not only is it as funny movie, but it’s a teen angst story
disguised as a superhero movie. And we all know, I loves me some
teen angst. While Sky
High doesn’t address the real problems
teenagers face such as drugs, prostitution, disease, smoking,
leprosy, global economic war repercussions, alcohol and coat hanger
abortions, it does tackle the rare cases of love, morality and
whether or not you can stare at your hot Mom dressed in a skin
tight superhero outfit.
Kurt Russell once again steals
the show as the smarmy, clueless father whos only concern is his
son growing up to be a great hero with incredible powers. I don’t
know if it’s the fact that I grew up watching Kurt Russell
movies or that he’s just a great actor, but if his name
is on the marquee I’m buying tickets, baby. The guy is good
no matter role he’s doing. And if you disagree then you
probably own at least one Orlando Bloom movie on DVD.
 But
Sky High’s main focus is on Will Stronghold and his band
of merry misfits. His team of sidekicks consist of Zach, who glows;
Maj, who changes into a guinea pig; Layla, who can control plant
life and Ethan, who turns into a puddle. Their bad guy counter
parts are main nemesis Warren Peace, who can throw fireballs;
Speed, who runs fast; Lash, who stretches and Penny, a hot black
girl who can duplicate herself. Wow. Can you imagine having a
really hot black girl that can duplicate herself on command? You’d
have either the greatest sex life of any man in history or you’d
be in a huge debt from having to purchase 15 different colored
Escalades.
What I enjoyed about Sky
High was it seemed to be throwback of Disney
family films of yore. Yes, I just used the word ‘yore’.
The writing was a nice change of pace compared to teen films like
American Pie. Writers Paul Hernandez, Robert
Schooley and Mark McCorkle deserve credit for presenting a funny,
well written family film that manages to somehow entertain kids
and adults of all ages without offending anyone. In fact, the
only thing offensive in relation to Sky
High would be this review.
 Along
with the humor and messages about finding yourself and the importance
of family, there’s also plenty of action. There’s
one scene where Will has to team up with his arch rival Warren
to rescue a training dummy about to fall into a rotating log of
spikes in the school gymnasium. They only have a certain amount
of time to accomplish their task and it’s not made any easier
with defending champions Lash and Speed determined to make sure
they don’t succeed. Think of it as a segment from American
Gladiators. Not only was it fun to watch, but it made me wish
I had super powers as a teenager. However, since I’ve landed
on this planet with your yellow sun, I lost my super powers as
a baby. My only powers now are writing movie reviews and lying
to women. Oh well. A burden to some, a power to others…
The special effects were passable and the set design wasn’t
overbearing. Although it was a high school built in the clouds,
the set designers didn’t go overboard and make the thing
look like it was built out of Borg spare parts. Kurt Russell and
Kelly Preston’s outfits tipped the scales of tongue in cheek
superhero design and scientology approved color patterns.
I have to admit, I’m a Disney fan, and I’m usually
sucked into anything they put out as long as Lindsay Lohan isn’t
starring in it. Sky High is a fun family movie that deserves to
do well at the box office because it has heart and won’t
bore you. Hopefully Kurt Russell decides to do more movies with
Disney since it seems to be such a great partnership. So if you’re
a parent and frustrated with having to sit through tripe like
the recently released Fantastic
Four, you can feel confident in knowing your
son or daughter will have a great time. Or you can just escape
the wife and kids, go alone and have naughty thoughts about Danielle
Panabaker. She has such a cute smile and wears ponytails in the
movie and...and…why am I suddenly sweating…
george@latinoreview.com. |
