Only Chiklis Is Fantastic
FANTASTIC 4

RATING: C

Starring: Ioan Gruffudd, Jesscia Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Julian McMahon, Kerry Washington. Music by John Ottman, Film Editor William Hoy, Production Designer Bill Boes, Director of Photography Oliver Wood, Executive Producers Stan Lee, Kevin Feige, Chris Columbus, Mark Radcliffe, Michael Barnathan, Produced by Bernd Eichinger, Avi Arad, Ralph Winter, Written by Mark Frost and Simon Kinsberg and Mike France, Directed by Tim Story.

Rated PG-13, Running Time 105 mins., 2.39 to 1 Anamorphic Scope Aspect Ratio.

Sheesh, another superhero flick? This is getting a little old, isn't it? Not according to Marvel Comics and producer Avi Arad, who feel that with so many movie adaptations of their stories, they’re just getting started. It's amazing that in the span of three weeks we get the best comic book movie ever made and one of the worst. I'm being kind. I said one of the worst, not the worst. Fantastic 4 will no doubt entertain kids and maybe even the casual fan of mindless summer popcorn movies. But for a die-hard fan or true lover of comics in general, this is a difficult film to watch. Audiences are under the assumption that because Twentieth Century Fox is producing this flick it will be on the level of X-Men. Let's get one thing straight, X-Men's success was due to director Bryan Singer's creative genius. He respected the material, the characters and even the fans, giving them not a completely faithful adaptation, but capturing the essence of the comic. You knew Singer actually gave a damn when he and producer Tom DeSanto actually waited outside of a showing at New York's Ziegfeld Theater to get fan reactions and suggestions. Fox also produced the boring adaptations of Daredevil and Elektra so that should give you an idea that they are more about building franchises rather that telling good stories. Comic book movies need more directors like this and unfortunately F4's Tim Story isn't one of them.

This guy made Barbershop, a decent little film that had its moments, but what does he know about comics or coordinating an adventure? His last film, the Queen Latifah vehicle Taxi, had no coordination and just uttering the title of that horrendous film makes me shiver. David S. Goyer, who took a comic full of racial stereotypes like Blade and created an identifiable hero, also respected the material when it came to adapting Batman. Tom Mankiewicz, the real writer behind the original Superman, wrote what was considered the best comic book movie ever by sticking to the essence of the character. The same can be said for award winning writer Alvin Sargent's screenplay for Spider-Man 2. He made you identify with the hero more than the original film did and even enhanced some of the comic’s material. A comic book movie does not have to be completely faithful as long as the elements that made it a success are not abandoned.

Fantastic 4, the movie adaptation of "The World's Greatest Comic" isn’t the world's worst movie, but as I said it's tough to watch. This so-called adaptation stars TV's Horatio Hornblower himself, Ioan Gruffudd as brilliant scientist Reed Richards who along with best buddy, astronaut Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis), enlists the aid of college rival Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon) to fund his space exploration project. Vic is a billionaire industrialist and Reed needs his dough and resources to observe a radiation storm traveling above earth’s atmosphere for a human genome research project. Vic gives the okay because he knows Reed can make him richer and requests that his top scientist Susan Storm (Jessica Alba) and her pilot brother Johnny (Chris Evans) tag along for the ride. Reed and Sue apparently have a history, having broken up after he refused to take the next step and move into an apartment together. Now she's Vic's girl and Reed is so pathetic that he's convinced himself "he's happy for them." Ben doesn’t seem to like Johnny because of his reckless attitude and refuses "to take orders from the underwear model." "That clown flunked out of NASA because he tried to sneak two Victoria's Secret wannabes into a flight simulator!" he cries to Reed, who won't listen because they need this project.

We all know that the crap is sure to hit the fan for these five explorers when Reed makes a miscalculation and Vic's space station is hit by the radiation storm, bombarding them with cosmic rays. Sound familiar? And hokey too, I'll bet. Well this is a comic book, only in the original comic Victor Von Doom, never joined them on their voyage. He was a college rival who blamed Richards for his disfigurement in an accident Reed warned him would happen. Upon their return to earth, our pitiful band of heroes discover that "Dun da dun", they've got super powers, so they're not so pitiful anymore! Sue can apparently render herself invisible and construct force fields when she gets emotional, Reed can stretch and contort his body into any shape, Ben has metamorphosed into a 1000 lb rock creature, and Johnny can set his body ablaze to supernova temperatures as well as fly through the air. Not only can his body soar but his ego does as well, turning him into a bigger a-hole than the one he already is. Pretty soon they become heroes by saving civilians from an explosive accident on the Brooklyn Bridge, caused by none other than a depressed Ben Grimm. Ha, they should be thrown in jail.

With their new abilities made public and dubbed "The Fantastic Four" by the media, Johnny decides to take things a step further by naming them "Mr. Fantastic", "The Invisible Woman", "The Human Torch" and "The Thing." Hey, this is beginning to sound like a comic book, but sure doesn’t look like one. What's missing? Hmm, how about a villain to start with? Well, no real actors wanted to be caught dead playing a villain in this pic, so I guess McMahon's Von Doom will have to do. With Gruffudd and his gang stealing all the spotlight, things aren't going so great for McMahon. He too has been altered by the cosmic storm, with his body changing into some type of organic metallic alloy. Hey look, he can project lightning too! I guess the only thing left for this whiny spoiled rich brat to do is become a super villain. The board members of his company have all turned against him, Reed stole his girlfriend and his “GQ” looks are going out the window so what else is there to do?

Bad casting? Um, I can live with that. Poor visual effects? That I can suffer through. No effort to develop an interesting story or respect the material? That's intolerable. It's a wonder that the man behind this flick has the word "story" for a last name, since this movie basically has none. The entire film is shot as if it were one long, long, long TV commercial. The production design has no creativity and isn't memorable, every shot is brightly lit (making me wonder if the cinematographer was out to lunch during the entire shoot) and the visual effects look very dated. There are college kids who can pull off better effects on their home computers. The story (or non-existent one) has no drive whatsoever. Much of the film is wasted on the development and origins of the team's powers and that's not a good thing.

Many of the comic book movies that worked brought us into a story that was already in progress. Can you imagine X-Men dealing with the origin of every single character's power or Blade spending three quarters of the time with young Blade in training? How about an entire movie or TV series about young Superman in Smallville? Whoops, too late for that one, but you get the idea. Even the first Spider-Man, which I was slightly disappointed with, spent only the first third of the film on his origin. This film makes the mistake of harping on these magnificent four's problems with their powers and then making them face off with a villain in the last ten minutes. And don't get me started on the casting! Whew! Well, since you asked I'll tell you.

Ioan Gruffudd is a pretty talented actor and although I can't see him as Reed Richards, Gruffudd did show up for work and try to make the role his own. You can see this guy was really trying; it's just that the role was badly written and is a poor representation of the comic character. Richards was indeed a brilliant scientist, so brilliant that just about every major hero in the Marvel Universe came to him for scientific advice. But he wasn't a bumbling buffoon either. Sure his courtship with Sue was tough, but he didn't make an ass out of himself. He also had the courage to approach problems with dignity and to stand up to those who challenged humanity. I can’t see a guy like Gruffudd standing up to Galactus the planet eater. At times, Mr. Fantastic could be a bit arrogant in his approach, but that's a lot more interesting than watching Gruffudd try to play Clark Kent. His Reed is also a bit psychotic. Sue fondly discovers his photo album with at least a dozen photo-booth snapshots of the two of them. What kind of lovesick scientist keeps photos like those in an album? A dozen of them!

Jessica Alba? Sure she is a cutie and has an infectious smile, but as Sue Storm the Invisible Woman? No way. It has nothing to do with her ethnic background, although the blonde dye job to her hair didn’t take too well and is terrible. The problem is that she hasn't developed a strong presence as an actress. Sue was the emotional core of the group; she kept them in check even when arguments would arise between them. Alba’s emotional alright, maybe a little too emotional. She sounds as if she's broken a nail every time she tries to show emotion. And her credibility as a scientist? C'mon, she just doesn't cut it. "It has to bee da clouds! It fundamentally altered out Dee-N-Ayyy!" Who spurts sci-fi babble like that? Some of the most talented actors are given dialogue to read that's complete science B.S. but their talent lies in the fact that they can convince you they actually believe in what's coming out of their mouths. Alba does not.

Chris Evan as Johnny Storm? I hate him! Completely! The guy is an a-hole. Yeah, I get it, Johnny was indeed the reckless one, he always leaped (or flew) before he looked and did constantly annoy or torture poor Ben Grimm. In this film, Evans tries to take it a step further and establishes no emotional connection with the audience. His scenes with Entertainment Tonight’s Maria Menunos are silly and the visual effects used to show he’s on fire are lame and unconvincing. The effects for Selma Blair’s Liz Sherman in Hellboy had more realism. Sure one or two of Evans’ antics are funny, including the old shaving cream on the hand trick with a sleeping Ben, but Evans acts as if he's auditioning for another one of those teen movies he came from. Word of advice pal, go back to those types of movies. National Lampoon called, they’ve got a job for you.

Every adventure needs a proper villain and unfortunately Julian McMahon isn't it. Stan Lee always said he adored Doctor Doom because of the fact he readily admitted he wanted to rule the world and he couldn’t be arrested for saying that. With this Doom, they've totally obliterated the essence of the character and made him a rich playboy / James Bond wannabe who decides to start blowing things up because he's turning into a human lightning rod. There is no believable motivation behind the character other than the fact that he wants to be the star of the show. What's worse is the fact that the writers have given him superpowers, something the Doctor Doom of the comics never had. He dabbled in the mystical at times, but his ability to defeat the Fantastic Four came from scientific weapons he created and his incredible intellect. McMahon doesn't even appear as if he knows the difference between Duracell and Eveready. And I kind of wish he had kept his Australian accent because the American one he put on sounds ridiculous. "Call me Doom," he asks when he finally dons the trademark mask (a gift from the people of Latveria, ha, they screwed those origins up) and green cloak. His voice almost sounds like Alex Trebek on Jeopardy. "I'll take James Bond wannabes for $1000 Alex. This Australian actor thinks he can get away with playing an iconic comic book super villain. Who is Julian McMahon? Correct!"

That leaves me with the only saving grace of this film (though he doesn't manage to save it), Michael Chiklis as Ben Grimm, The Thing. What a brilliant bit of casting and the only real performance in the film. (Though Stan Lee's cameo as a mailman was a close second.) Unless you saw Chiklis on Jon Favreu's "Dinner For Five" discussing the panic he felt after taking the role and getting in that suit, you never would have guessed the difficulty he had while making this picture. Sure, the costume is uncomfortable and you literally cook in it, but to express yourself as an actor while every one of your features is masked is a difficult task that Chiklis makes look easy. The Thing was always my favorite character, not for his strength or beautifully rough appearance, but the fact that he never changed internally as a person. He still kept his sense of humor and although it was tough for him to hold his temper at times, he was still a softie inside of that rock hard hide. Chiklis does all this and more, even appearing in disguise wearing a fedora and overcoat as The Thing did in the comics as an attempt to blend in.

He has some enjoyable lines like when he confronts a suicide jumper: “You think you got problems, take a look pal. How hard could it be?” Or when he sees the team’s ridiculous uniforms: “You guys look like an ‘80’s rock band.” Just watching him attempt to eat or drink in his condition is a visual delight. I just wish that Chiklis was in another movie entirely because watching his magnificent performance is painful. He deserved a better movie. It's nice to see that they've given him a love interest in the form of Kerry Washington as the blind Alicia Masters, adopted daughter (yeah right) of his future nemesis "The Puppet Master". But why do they feel the only drama in his life should be his fiancée (Laurie Holden) dumping him in public after she sees his new look? Don't get me started on their confrontation while she wears lingerie in the street. Man, you see, stuff like that just burns me up. Watching Chiklis felt like I was getting a glimpse of the Fantastic Four the way it ought to be. If only he wasn't surrounded by such crap. The only additional plus is John Ottman's wonderfully heroic musical score. Ottman is Bryan Singer's editor and music composer and now that they're no longer involved with X-Men, this is the closest we'll get to another superhero score from him. Well, at least until Singer’s Superman next summer which will make Fox wonder "Why didn't we wait for him?" after X-Men 3 bombs.

Want my advice? If you really want to see the film, go for Chiklis who is bound to grow beyond The Shield as a dramatic actor and may soon get more feature film work. Other than that, the film is pretty tame for kids, but why would you want to torture them or yourself? Want to see a real comic book movie? There's one about a man who dresses up as a bat playing next door and the entire film doesn't deal with how he got his powers because he doesn’t have any.