The Honeymooners

RATING:

Starring: Cedric the Entertainer, Mike Epps, Gabrielle Union, Regina Hall, Eric Stoltz and John Leguizamo. Written by: Barry W. Blaustein, Danny Jacobson, Saladin K. Patterson, Don Rhymer, David Sheffield. Directed by: John Schultz

Rated PG-13 - for some innuendo and rude humor

Is the world really out of ideas? Is the well dry? Continuing the "Year of the Remake," Hollywood serves up yet another stale property, this time deciding, oddly, that America has been clamoring for Ralph Kramden and The Honeymooners. Somewhat shockingly, the movie is not awful.

Cedric the Entertainer, a near spitting image of Jackie Gleason, stars as Kramden, the big-dreaming bus-driver who can never catch a break. The writers (a team of FIVE, always telling) yanked out all those "One of these days, Alice. . ." lines, apparently realizing that spousal abuse is not, in fact, quite as funny as it used to be. Still, Cedric's Ralph is as surly and grumpy as ever, much to the chagrin of his doting wife, Alice (Gabrielle Union).

When he's not inventing hair-brained gadgets, Ralph spends his free-time watching the Mets with his drinkin' buddy, Ed Norton (Mike Epps), a cheerful sewer-cleaner. Thankfully, Epps brings a blue-collared likability to the role of Norton, restraining himself from the wackier zaniness that usually marks his roles.

The plot is dull but serviceable: Cedric “accidentally” buys a worthless underground train, which squanders the money that Alice had earmarked for buying a house. The whole gang’s in trouble, since the house would be split with Ed and Ed’s wife, Trixie (Regina Hall). So that’s it: in order to win back the heart of Alice (which, frankly, is never really in doubt), Ralph needs to somehow scrounge up $20,000.

In an attempt to beef up this wafer of a story, director John Schultz (the man who brought you Lil Bow Wow’s debut as a leading man, “Like Mike”) brings in Eric Stoltz to play a banking-villain—or something—a one-dimensionally-evil stiff who wants Alice’s dream house for his own vile, nefarious, one-dimensionally-evil-purposes. He gives Alice two weeks to come up with the money, making poor Ralph’s hustling that much harder. Meanwhile, Eric Stoltz’s evil character is probably just a good guy underneath it all, wondering what his career would have looked like if he could have swung Marty McFly.

So Ralph starts to hustle. In a physical-comedy montage that completely breaks from the film’s tone (but earns some laughs nonetheless), Ralph and Ed resort to begging, street-dancing, and posing as blind men. They’re still short. But as fate would have it, they find a dog in a dumpster, who, of course, happens to be lightning quick. They register him in a dog race.

Enter John Leguizamo. The shadiest dog trainer the world has ever seen—he meets them after dark because he “likes the quiet,” but really so he can get some free (stolen) track time—Leguizamo steals each of his scenes. He’s almost reason enough to buy a ticket to the movie. (Almost.)

The rest plays out much as you would expect. I would go into a blow-by-blow account of how the movie differs from the classic tv show, but, really, why? Two generations separate Jackie Gleason from Cedric the Entertainer, and the population fretting about a faithful adaptation is a small one. Suffice it to say, starting with the dog racing, the movie has very little to do with the sitcom. But again, who cares?

Cedric and Epps have enough buddy-charisma to make the thing watchable (if you’re stuck on a plane, say), and the overall family-matters message is wholesome enough.

Sign me up for the I Love Lucy remake, starring Queen Latifah.

Agree? Disagree? E-mail me at jeff@latinoreview.com.