It’s Fast, But Will Make You Furious
STEALTH

RATING: C-

Starring: Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel, Jaime Foxx, Sam Shepard, Joe Morton and Richard Roxburgh. Music by Randy Edelman and BT, Special Visual Effects by Digital Domain, Costume Design by Lizzy Gardiner, Production Designer J. Michael Riva, Jonathan Lee, Director of Photography Dean Semler, Story by W.D. Richter, Screenplay by W.D. Richter and Rob Cohen, Produced by Laura Ziskin, Mike Medavoy, Neil H. Moritz, Directed by Rob Cohen.

Rated PG-13, Running Time 127 mins., 2.39 to 1 Anamorphic Scope Aspect Ratio.

Rob Cohen is one of those directors that struck lucky box-office gold by making films which had more style over substance. "The Fast and the Furious" and "XXX" were entertaining, but are they memorable? Except for making a good dvd demo on a home theater system, is there any reason why we should revisit them again? "Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story" and "The Rat Pack" are the only two of his films that stand out in my memory for telling interesting stories and maybe that's because they were bio-pics. Cohen's career as a producer is no different, having played a part in many features directed by John Badham. Cohen lacks Badham's finesse with action and comedy, focusing more on the action which even for the mindless fan gets boring after a while. For his latest flick "Stealth", Cohen has weaved in plenty of action, but once again we get elaborately cheap looking f/x, poorly used actors and a story that's more like "Top Gun" meets "Short Circuit."

"Stealth" owes a lot to "Short Circuit" (a John Badham film by the way) as well as "Christine", since it features an A.I. fighter plane that develops a mind of its own and gets more than a few screws loose. Since, Tom Cruise, Vin Diesel and Steve Guttenberg had better things to do (though, I'm not sure about Guttenberg) Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel and Jaime "I gotta wear shades" Foxx star as three elite pilots chosen by the navy to fly prototype fighters. Instead of placing these three in actual working planes that audiences are familiar with, like an F-18, the filmmakers have created jets dubbed "Talons", taken from concept designs by the military using some unrealistic CGI. These three are supposedly the best in the world, demonstrated in an opening sequence in which they engage in practice runs, obliterating targets and rather coolly incinerating a cave full of mannequin dummies with a missile. Lucas is the brash "Maverick" of the bunch, Foxx is the womanizing ladies man, and Biel is the smartest of the three who shares sexual chemistry with Lucas that's never ignited.

Our three leads are soon whisked away on a mission by Captain Sam Shepard, playing the exact same military authority figure he did in "Black Hawk Down" and "Thunderheart." Their new assignment involves showing the ropes to the "Extreme Deep Invader", an A.I. controlled stealth bomber nicknamed "EDI", with the voice of "The Human Stain" actor Wentworth Miller. EDI is only to observe our three heroes on mission and does so reluctantly, until he's struck by lightning, ouch! Of course that lightning strike somehow rewires all of EDI's internal circuitry, turning him into "Johnny 5" and soon he's firing upon a Chinese nuclear warlord and causing catastrophic fallout amongst civilians. Not cool in Lucas's book, which doesn't like the idea of being replaced by a computer and takes it upon himself to hunt EDI down when he goes rogue. But in this type of lame situation, the story isn't the only casualty and soon Lucas finds that one of his comrades has been shot down in North Korea and the other smashed into the side of a mountain due to EDI's quick maneuvering. I'll let you guess by the actor's billing which one eats a face full of rocky mountain.

When I heard about "Stealth" two years ago, it sounded like they were going to spend a ton of money on a "Top Gun" for the 21st Century and I was all for it. Once the robot gone haywire gag caught my attention, I knew they were in trouble. A premise like this may initially sound interesting but it raised so many questions. Why does a lighting strike always cause a robot to become self-aware? Why can't they just shoot the plane down with heatseekers? Won't it run out of fuel eventually? That last question is actually answered in an elaborate action sequence involving a game of cat and mouse that EDI and Lucas play amongst an exploding refueling plane in the stratosphere. It's one of the few goosebump moments that give you the false notion, "this film could work", but never gets any better. Despite the fact that any romance between Lucas and Biel is played down and Foxx has more of a cameo, its sad to see that you can actually tell they spent a ton of money on this film.

The price of “Stealth’s” visual effects alone is close to the tune of $34 million and it’s up there on the screen. CGI aint cheap and even though there's lots of it; the action is no different from a Playstation game. I have no doubt that since Sony owns the studio producing this movie the video game version is on the way and is probably more entertaining. This is a movie basically about high speed and blowing stuff up. That is what men like to see, but even a little bit of an interesting story can help. Cohen's last two movies had explosions and speed, but at least the mediocre leads did what they were supposed to do and that was act! Josh Lucas is coming up rather nicely as a dramatic actor with a real presence and this type of role should fit him like a glove, but he wastes most of his time in a cockpit. He’s got that cool swagger and rugged demeanor, but he’s just in the wrong role in the wrong movie.

Guys no doubt want to see Biel in a bikini and even though there are a few shots of her dripping wet in a waterfall, her role is also wasted. You can fantasize all you want about her in that bikini because it never comes off. But of course, you already guessed that. I’ll let you borrow my copy of her controversial ’98 layout in “Gear” magazine if you want to see more. She gets to run for her life through the jungle from some North Korean soldiers in a tense chase sequence, but it's no different from her actions in "Texas Chainsaw Massacre." As for Foxx, well, he shot this movie before "Ray" and "Collateral" came out and wasn't as big a star as he is now. His role is so minimal that it looks like they took outtakes from both of those movies and with a little CGI enhancement, stuck his head in the cockpit of a fighter jet. Even Sam Shepard, a brilliant actor and playwright, comes across as a fool instead of a fanatical officer who wants to cover up the failure of his project. And don't get me started on the casting of Aussie Richard Roxburgh as EDI's American inventor. The flamboyant Dracula from "Van Helsing" as EDI's scientist father? No wonder this A.I. went nuts. Only Joe Morton as the reluctant Captain of the carrier they operate from manages to bring some dignity to his role with his "I told you so" attitude when EDI goes haywire. They should have listened to Morton; after all he developed the chip that led to the Terminator in "T2".

Like I said, "Stealth" is about speed and explosions and there's plenty of it. The mediocre story might have worked twenty years ago when this was all new, but nowadays, every new film released every weekend is full of speed and explosions. Although the CGI isn't first rate the stunt team for this film should be commended. There's a shot where Lucas and EDI blow an aircraft hanger to smithereens causing a team of stunt men to be blown through the air by fifty foot flames and it's all real. Too bad it's wrapped up in a lame movie. I'm just appalled by how much money was wasted and the fact that even though Cohen has hired the most talented young leads he's every worked with, he still can't give them decent material to work with. Cohen should only shoulder part of the blame, since he co-wrote the film with W.D. Richter, the man behind the cult classic "Buckaroo Banzai." Even if "Stealth" was wacky and weird like that film it may have worked. It's a shame when the most interesting lead character in a movie is the robot voice of an actor you can't even see. Well, one thing's for sure, like Cohen's other flicks this picture will make a good home theater demo when the dvd hits...next month!