Burrito Has Seen Shoot 'Em Up!

By El Mayimbe on September 14, 2006

Yo! El Mayimbe here with a report from our new Latino spy "8 inch Burrito" lol (great name) who was in attendance at last night's first ever test screening of SHOOT 'EM UP!

We bought you the script review, now here is another first with his thoughts on the film...

Just got back from The Bridge at Howard Hughes Center here in Los Angeles. I was intrigued to see "Shoot ‘Em Up" after reading your script review and seeing the animatics. I mean, a movie about killing motherfuckers, with Clive Owen and hot piece of ass Monica Bellucci who wouldn’t want to see that?

Like the script, the movie opens with a non-stop shootout scene as a woman is delivering a baby. "Shoot ‘Em Up" is true to its title and I can think of no better studio than New Line, the same studio that brought you "Snakes on a Plane," to distribute this hardcore assemblage. "Shoot ‘Em Up" delivers on its promise and we literally get an uncountable body and bullet count. They’ve got cajones for putting this out because it ain’t PC friendly and I’m very happy to see a return to see some real violence in movies.

While I enjoyed "Punisher," "Kill Bill," "Man on Fire," I’m tired of all those kill ‘em up revenge movies. "Shoot ‘Em Up" is completely different. It’s about a man who’s mysteriously forced to protect an innocent baby as all these crazies are trying to kill him and the little boy. He’s doesn’t know why they want to kill this kid but as the story moves along, we learn why.

I won’t ruin it with details but…

The sex scene is one of the hottest sex scenes ever. Fuck Basic Instinct or 9 ½ Weeks. Guns and sex…what else do you need to get you off? Clive Owen has bagged some of the hottest women in Hollywood on screen, but Monica Belluci is a goddess, and by far, the most beautiful and sensual woman on this planet. I would give a handjob to ugly ass film critics on other LAME film geek websites for a piece of that Monica Belluci ass for 5 minutes.

Let me tell you, some of the ways those bad guys get ghost’d is completely original. Me and the audience were like, “Holy Fuck! No fucking way!” The riveting action sequences also keep you very engaged. You will finish that extra large popcorn and soda halfway through the movie and you’ll think you want to pee your pants from it, but it’s really the suspense that’s doing it to you. I was sweating like a Mexican at a car wash from getting so nervous.

As for the actors, Paul Giametti is the perfect choice as the man orchestrating the hit on the baby and the hero. Monica Belluci does a phenomenal job of just being her hot self and playing a maternal hooker. Let’s just say she even sucks cock and has her tits sucked to help the baby, trust me, it’s disturbing and cute at the same time. Clive Owen delivers a strong performance and is believable as a hero. The audience believes he’s a tough motherfucker.

If you are looking for some realism, go fuck yourself and watch some bullshit romantic comedy, maybe you will meet the love of your life on MySpace. But if you are coming to see some good actors take a different role, some nice T&A, some hardcore violence and want to have a good time, Shoot ‘Em Up is the movie for you.

Source:8 inch Burrito

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