2008 December Preview!
My monthly article of what's coming out in theaters continues as we take a look at the weird ensemble of films coming out in December. Everything from animation to science fiction, superheroes with large guns, old men with large guns, to wrestling movies, comedies and WWII pictures. December looks to be a stocking stuffed with a variety of content.
So will December close out a year filled with memorable and record breaking movies? While 2008 has had some weak months, it has had one of the biggest summers I think I've ever seen, from Indiana Jones to Iron Man, The Dark Knight to Tropic Thunder. It's been a wild ride and it looks like we're down to our last few presents. Will they contain the biggest gifts yet? As always, click the poster to check out the official website!
December 5th
Punisher: War Zone
You kidding me? Why not start off the holidays with a movie about vengeance and punishment? Ray Stevenson takes a turn as The Punisher on a quest to rid the world of the scum that deprived him a life of happiness when his family was killed as a cause of gang violence. I have no idea why people are writing this movie off and saying it will suck. It's The Punisher. Yes, the Thomas Jane one was a horrible movie, (not Jane's fault. He was a good Punisher, but the script was bad) and I do have a sort of soft spot for the Dolph version, but this one could be the best yet. It's a dude with guns who kills a lot of people. What more do comic fans want?
Cadillac Records
Adrian Brody stars alongside his big old schnozola as the founder of Chess Records, who brought to life the careers of Etta James (Beyonce Knowles) and Chuck Berry (Mos Def). But you know why this movie may suck? Beyonce Knowles. Didn't anyone see her in that Austin Powers movie? She's a horrible actress. I don't understand the casting choice so we'll have to see if this ends up being a hit or should be a tune relegated to cinema's B-Side.
Frost/Nixon
Can't get enough politics? Then this should help fill the void. Frost/Nixon is a story of truth and the road some take to get there. David Frost interviews Richard Nixon about his role in the Watergate scandal. Only problem is, this is a Ron Howard movie. And some idiots decided to give Ron one of those gold Oscar statues. So now Ronnie thinks he's an awesome director. Ok, he did direct Willow, so I guess he's not that bad.
December 12th
Doubt
Hey, it's a movie about a priest who may have done something wrong with a student in a Catholic school. I'm Catholic and I can say with 1000% certainty that these priests do not do bad things with little boys. If I'm told that God needs to know if I have a tight butthole, then by God, I'm gonna make sure the messenger gives him the right answer.
The Day the Earth Stood Still
Speaking of God, please, please, please make sure this movie doesn't suck. I've been a huge fan of the original ever since I saw it on TV when I was a little kid. I'm hoping this remake, (which is starting to look more and more like Independence Day) is worthy of the original. If we're lucky, Gort will shoot a laser right in between Jayden Smith's eyes. See if the new Karate kid can avoid that.
December 19th
Seven Pounds
What a beautiful segway into December's Will Smith movie! Seven Pounds is about a man who wants to kill himself because he accidentally killed seven people in an auto accident. Not sure if he hit a clown car or a Ford Taurus filled with illegal immmigrants, cause seven people is quite the haul for an auto accident. But then again, this is Will Smith we're talking about. If a brutha gotta mistakenly kill some fools, he's gonna make sure it's more bodies than even Rambo could pile up. Seven Pounds is from the same director who did The Pursuit of Happyness, so get ready for forced emotional scenes to try and stir up the Oscar crowd.
Gran Torino
Who the hell wants to see Will Smith when you can watch Clint Eastwood growl at stupid kids because they're stepping on his grass? Gran Torino is the story of a racist war veteran who forms a bond with an Asian teenager caught up in gang turmoil. Could this be a contender for an Oscar nomination? Of course it could be! It's Clint Eastwood holding a gun and punching people!
The Wrestler
Speaking of Oscar contenders, I think Mickey Rourke could be holding gold next year if the cards are right. I'm really looking forward to this one and Mickey Rourke has been overlooked for far too long. Although it is kind of his fault he fell off the map when he decided he wanted to become a human punching bag.
Yes Man
Despite some odd career choices, I still think Jim Carrey is one of today's funniest comedians. His latest movie looks to put the rubber faced funny guy back on track with Yes Man, the story of a man who says yes to everything. (And Dumb & Dumber will always hold a top spot as one of the greatest comedies every made thanks to this man's performance.)
December 26th
The Spirit
Oh crap. This movie is going to either be really good, or it's going to be really, really, bad. Maybe it's opening the day after Christmas so children can still enjoy their holiday without waking up at night screaming.
Bedtime Stories
If The Spirit brings the young ones nightmares, perhaps Adam Sandler's new family friendly kiddie movie can get them back to sleep. Bedtime Stories is about a man who brings fairy tales to life when read aloud to his kids. Where's Happy Gilmore 2?
Valkyrie
Well, if you're Tom Cruise and you're playing a German, I guess you don't really have to worry about having an actual German accent. You can get by on charm and that eye patch you have to wear. By the way, I think we all know that this attempted assassination was a failure. They should have sent in Maverick.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Brad Pitt starts out as an old man, then as time goes by, he gets younger. Another Oscar contender or the true story of his marriage then subsequent divorce to Jennifer Aniston? We'll have to wait and see.
These other films are also hitting theaters in December. Click each poster to check out their official website (if available).
December 5th
December 12th
December 19th
Also look for Nothing But The Truth starring Kate Beckinsale and Matt Dillon about a reporter who goes to prison for not revealing her secret CIA source on her American missile attack article against Venezuela. No poster or official website that I could find.
December 26th
Holy moley! What a month for movies. Some good stuff in there and probably some bombs. I've already seen Nothing Like The Holidays, and that was a really funny movie, so you should check that one out. The ones I'm really looking forward to seeing are Gran Torino, The Wrestler, The Punisher, Doubt and The Day the Earth Stood Still. Whew! Come New Year's I'll probably light this keyboard on fire so I never have to type again.
What films are you most looking forward to in the month of December? Comment below or e-mail: george@latinoreview.com
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