Sorry the updates this weekend have been slow. I was in Palm Springs hanging out and getting burned by the Satanic heat (which you would have known if you were following me on Twitter). I walked around in the disgusting 108 degree weather and gambled a bit. Won a couple hundo in Blackjack and watched Brock Lesnar kick the shit out of Frank Mir.
If you've never heard of the Cabazon Dinosaurs, it's a cheesy little tourist trap off I-10 next to Palm Springs. The dinosaur exhibit was originally built by Knott's Berry Farm sculpture Claude K. Bell back in 1964 and still stands to this day. Only now it's a creationist attraction that promotes intelligent design and teaches children that evolution sucks a big fat dinosaur cock.
I've always wanted to visit it because it was featured in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure and is also the end scene to one of my favorite 80's movies, The Wizard. (I did a retro review of The Wizard for IGN that you can read HERE.) You know that scene, it's when Jimmy finally gets to say goodbye to his dead twin sister by placing his little yellow lunchbox at the place where they used to vacation, which apparently was The Cabazon Dinosaurs.
This dinosaur was the one Jimmy ran into to place his lunchbox.
Whoa! That's one big dinosaur!
Before you enter the exhibit, a gigantic T-Rex head welcomes you to take your picture with him.
Do not eat me! It is a known fact that I taste like shit since I'm so full of it.
The inside is nothing more than a gift shop hocking the latest in dino crap.
Junkasaurus
Enough with this gift stuff, it's time to wander to the back, where I'm positive they'd still have the lunchbox proudly on display for all to see, with tons and tons of Wizard pictures and autographed paraphernalia! It's time for some cinematic history!!! HEY!! WTF??
FAIL.
Wow. The area where Jimmy sat was nothing more than a storage area for junk. No mention of any movie ever being filmed here. No lunchbox. No lock of Luke Edwards' hair on the wall. It's as if The Wizard never existed. But we all know it did. And it lives on in our hearts.
Disappointed, I wanted to see what else the Cabazon Dinosaurs had to offer. For a measly $5, you could enter their robotic dinosaur museum and learn about the dinosaurs. As God intended.
I look like that cute guy in the middle, top row.
Well, this is some bullshit. Instead of learning about dinosaurs themselves, I have to learn about how evolution was a figment of everyone's imagination and that the whole 'bird is a distant relative of a dinosaur' thing is all Sam Neill Jurassic Park bullshit. How is this fun for kids again?
Twins.
When the knights got bored, they hunted dinosaurs. At least according to this museum they did..
I left the "museum" and went inside the giant T-Rex they have. You can climb the stairs inside all the way to the Rex's mouth. You could see all of the people down below eating lunch or walking around sweating their asses off in the heat. It was at this point I let out a giant roar. I had no idea it was going to carry throughout the exhibits and everyone looked up at the T-Rex. They couldn't see in, but one little girl in red screamed and ran from her father as they were walking towards it.
Because I have the maturity of a ten year old, it was here I let out another giant roar, again scaring that same little girl walking down below. It was hilarious watching her scream then run away from her Dad, who at this point had to be irritated that this was the second time some asshole inside the T-Rex was roaring like an idiot. There's no greater feeling in the world than scaring the crap out of a kid.
Of course, I had to Guapo Cam it. Unfortunately, I didn't have my Q37 Explosive Space Modulator Guapo Cam on me and had to use my iPhone 3Gs. Dummy me, I didn't turn the iPhone on its side when I filmed this, so it won't show up in a widescreen format. Lesson learned when shooting video with the iPhone!
Well, that was my fun adventure with The Cabazon Dinosaurs. Thought I'd share this with those of you who saw The Wizard and wanted a small taste of cinematic history failure.
