Ryan's DVD Shelf: Untraceable, Indiana Jones, Square Pegs, MST3K, Drawn Together, McKenzie Bros

UNTRACEABLE

THE SKINNY: When good actors happen to bad FBI movies.

THE HAPS: The big problem with Untraceable is the acting.  The acting is too good.  How is that a gripe?  Because this movie is really a shit film.  It is a serial killer thriller where the FBI is hunting down someone who is killing people on the Internet.  If people log into a website, the person dies quicker.  Thus if you are logging into the site to see this person you are actually helping the person to die.

Problem is in the real world most of law enforcement would jump on this bad boy.  John Walsh would be screaming and pointing at the camera on America’s Most Wanted.  Computer services in the government would be rerouted to help and groups like Anonymous would hack everyone looking to help stop such a killer. 

But this isn’t real life – this is a movie where you have to suspend disbelief because said killer is smart enough to kidnap any person they want, set all this shit up, and of course have unlimited resources.  It’s a horrible script that just gets WORSE as the movie progresses.

So we come back to the actors – the main three being Diane Lane (if we are playing the Bill Paxton game she was in Indian Summer with the lad), Billy Burke, and Tom Hanks’ son Colin.  Colin Hanks really surprised me here – he really proved to have some acting chops and he teamed well with Diane Lane who is still smokin’ hot ninety years after getting into acting.  Billy Burke is a police liaison who works with Diane and Colin and he’s been in things…like …that movie that was out last  year or possibly that TV show I never watch.  Point is you know you’ve seen him, you don’t know where, and you are too lazy and/or don’t care enough to look him up on IMDB.

The trio all deliver great performances and they even strengthen as the film goes on.  It really is the sort of movie where 45 minutes in you just turn it off due to lack of interest.  Diane Lane’s tough-as-nails never-say-die Agent Jennifer Marsh keeps you watching to the end – where you thoroughly acknowledge it was a crap movie you just watched.  There are a lot worse out there…so…

THE VERDICT: This one really isn’t an owner – it’s not a film you are proud to have in your collection.  It is at least worth a rental should there be nothing else you are interested in renting – especially for Colin who could have big things happening for him in the future.

THE SKINNY: The classic eighties show that ran for ten ye…wait…it got cancelled after one.

THE HAPS: Eighties kids look back on Square Pegs like how I look back on shows like My So-Called Life, Undeclared, and Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.  Parker at least got a full three seasons but it is probably most comparable to Square Pegs.  It was a show that had kids talking like the characters and helped influence the minds of the young.

Square Pegs is the eighties version of Freaks and Geeks – which was a nineties show set in the eighties.  The show stars Sarah Jessica Parker who we all know from her incredible performance as Lady With Head On Dog in Mars Attacks.  It also stars Jami Gertz (in Twister with Bill Paxton) and a bunch of other people who never acted in anything else.

The show follows Lauren and Patty as freshman who want to be cool.  However they aren’t cool and thusly hang out with the uncool Marhsall and Johnny Slash.  The show is pretty simple which is how life was growing up in the eighties.  It reflects a simpler time and it is how I remember the eighties being unlike how Freaks and Geeks was.  Both are great shows but Square Pegs being an actual eighties product just brings me back to when I thought Pac-Man was truly the end-all, be-all. 

We even get Bill Murray as a guest star!  Of course this is probably thanks to creator Anne Beatts who had previously worked on Saturday Night Live.  There’s also Devo for those who fully want to get their ‘eighties on.’  There is also interviews with the former cast members including Parker but I was so, so, so bored by them it made me want to hit me head into the wall several times rather than listen to Parker ramble on for an hour about how she thinks she remembers how big the contract for the show was.

THE VERDICT: Not the bestest show in the world but a great nostalgic look back at a show that certainly deserved more than one season.  It certainly is great to see SJP as a geeky girl with glasses long before she became the sex symbol and/or World’s Ugliest Celebrity (not my words…that’s Maxim.  I think SJP is hawt.)

THE SKINNY: Mike and the Bots back on DVD.

THE HAPS: My top three movies that had been DYING of laughter in theaters is #3 Office Space (there was a 40 minute part in the middle where I could barely catch my breath), #2 Jackass (the first film had me falling into the seat next to me), and #1 is MST3K The Movie.  I laughed so hard at this movie in theaters that I couldn’t breath, my lungs hurt, my stomach hurt, and I once got out of my seat and left the theater just to try and compose myself because it hurt so bad.

MST3K The Movie has been out-of-print for a good number of years but not Rogue Pictures/Universal has re-released it.  The release puzzles the living crap out of me.  There are NO and I mean NO bonus features.  Not even a trailer.  There’s new Dolby 5.1 sound but other that’s it.

Popped MST3KTM back into the DVD player and sat back to watch the film.  For those who don’t know MST3K was a show where a guy in space and his robots watched bad films sent to him by an evil doctor looking for the perfect bad film to drive people insane and thusly take over the world.  But all that happens is Mike Nelson and his robots Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot mock the crap out of the film. 

This time the flick is This Island Earth – a cheesily fiddies sci-fi film.  Once again the movie floored me and I laughed until I felt something come loose in my lung and almost felt like I was dying.  Yes – this movie is so funny I was almost near death laughing at the film.  Of course nearly every episode of MST3K was like that for me but the fact that this actually hit the big screen (well…just a couple…I think it made it to thirty screens nationwide on release) just amazed me.  The fact that you can put a movie on screen that is mocking another movie is just phenom.

THE VERDICT:  There are no extras but it doesn’t matter.  Mike and the Bots do a wonderful job and I’m just glad to own the film.  Just be prepared for sudden pains brought on by uncontrollable laughter – it gives ‘busting a gut’ a whole new meaning.

THE SKINNY: New Indy is coming…do you own the old ones?

THE HAPS: First off if you don’t own the original Indy trilogy – WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?  DO YOU NOT LIKE MOVIES? 

Secondly – if you already own the Indiana Jones that came out about five years ago – there is no need to repurchase this set.

SO – why release this set?  Firstly the new Indiana Jones movie is just three weeks away.  We just saw the final box set of the Young Indiana Jones series come out and a re-release makes perfect sense for those ready to jump back on the Indy Jones bandwagon.

It’s not like this is just your basic rehash for there are a ton of new special features – new introductions by George Lucas and Steven Spielberg and a slew of different documentaries.  Never of them hold a candle to the two hour doc that was on the original bonus disc of the original collection but these are still pretty great.

The other non-shocker is that this collection probably won’t be around for long.  Why?  With Indy coming out in May there is no doubt that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull will be out by November both as a single disc and the all new 4 disc Indiana Jones collection.

THE VERDICT: Still – these are classics so if you are looking to get back in the Indiana Jones mood before Crystal Skull comes out this is the way to do it.  However those who already own the original have no need to buy this new collection.

THE SKINNY: Comedy Central’s cartoon reality show gets another season on DVD.

THE HAPS: I never watched this show before perusing the DVD.  I had caught bits and pieces of it and was kind of sad that Betty Boop character was this fat horny chick.  Well…actually it was sad and sort of funny.

So I was introduced into the world of Drawn Together which is much better than its television counterpart thanks to the whole ‘uncensored’ thing Comedy Central is doing these days on DVD.  All fourteen episodes of the third (and final) season are here and each one has been extended.  So those more blood, vomit, and boobage than you can ever ask for in one video collection!

For those who don’t know Drawn Together features eight animated characters living in a house together: the Betty Boop rip-off, the Superman rip-off, Disney princess rip-off, Josie and the Pussycats black chick rip-off, Pokemon rip-off, et cetra.  Really its just an excuse to throw these characters together and have egos take over.  The best is Captain Hero – the Superman clone who seems to be a sociopath who cares little about anything or anyone.  He’s also possibly gay, a pedophile, straight, a necrophile, a zoophile, and a transvestite.  Yeah that’s a lot for one character and it doesn’t matter.  Captain Hero rocks.

Bonus features are pretty skimpy but I imagine most aren’t buying this for bonus features.  There is a karaoke sing-along option, boring audio commentary, and some promos. 

THE VERDICT: Fans of the show or someone looking for a new funny vile cartoon will love this set.  I love the uncensored DVDs and glad Comedy Central/Paramount are doing this for the latest cartoon releases.  It’s a great send-off for a great show and now I really need to pick up the first two seasons.

AND FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY…

This is simply a plug for something most McKenzie fans don’t even know exist.  This was originally shown on Canadian television and then put on DVD – not available here in the States.  I had to go online to Amazon Canada and buy it there.  But being a huge fan of SCTV, Strange Brew, and the McKenzie’s it was a must-own.

The show is actually a documentary that highlights the early beginnings of the characters on SCTV, going through to their quadruple platinum comedy album, their cult Strange Brew movie, their TV commercials and more.  Guests like Ben Stiller, Tom Cavanaugh, Tom Green, and Barry Pepper help bring the special to a halt by talking about the McKenzie brothers but the show is brought RIGHT back by having Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis back in the roles – first time in ten years!

The great thing on this DVD is the bonus features which include 7 SCTV sketches, two songs which are the very funny Twelve Days of Christmas and Take Off – the song they did with Rush’s Geddy Lee, a Q&A with Bob and Doug, and McKenzie Brothers commercials.

So for those out there wishing there was an SCTV Best-Of for the brothers this is probably the closest thing we’ll get for awhile.  I’m sure most fans don’t know that this exist so I thought I’d give it a mention to those who might want to give it a try.


THOUGHTS??? ryan@latinoreview.com