Get Smart

Reviewed by: - 08.31.07

EL MAYIMBE here along with my studio reading wingman CAXE who takes a look this week at Warner’s upcoming GET SMART script. It’s got a solid cast with big names in it. This review is a long one so let’s see what he has to say…

When I first heard they were doing a Get Smart remake, I groaned. Outloud. And possibly brought my hand to my forehead in a smack-like motion. As a kid, I watched a ton of old shows, probably because I was too lazy to change the channel when Nickelodeon changed to Nick at Nite. Whatever the reason, I loved things like “Green Acres” and “The Dick Van Dyke Show,” but hands down, my favorite show was “Get Smart” and, after hearing about the 2008 film, I sat bewildered how Hollywood could “Pink Panther” another property I loved as a child.

Granted, bloodsucking producers had already battered around the then-feeble Don Adams (the original Maxwell Smart) in not one, but two horrible “Get Smart” films, including the 1980s atrocity The Nude Bomb and slightly-better-but-not-by-much 1989 TV-movie “Get Smart, Again.” But no, not even that was enough – Fox had to try to resurrect “Get Smart” in the form of a new 1995 series featuring Don Adams and Barbara Feldon reprising their roles as Max and 99 respectively, now parents of a spy, played by the walking train-wreck Andy Dick. Thankfully, the show lasted about a month and I thought the franchise would finally rest in peace.

But no. At night, I would cry out, “You’ve tried this too many times! Leave my favorite old-timey show alone, damn you!” Surely Don Adams’ corpse was rolling over it its grave at the prospect of another bastardization of this beloved series that, thankfully, he at least would not be a part of. I had to stop thinking about it or I’d hyper-ventilate and schedule a session with my therapist.

Then I heard the casting. Steve Carrell? I like Steve Carell. I liked him on “The Daily Show” and “The Office.” I like his movies. In fact, save Evan Almighty, I really like his movies. A little pressure was relieved. Then Alan Arkin, Anne Hathaway, The Rock, Terrence Stamp, the fat guy from Borat, and Hiro from Heroes? Okay, maybe this wouldn’t be bad. But then again, The Pink Panther had Jean Reno and Kevin Kline.

The producers have some good stuff in their credits (The Matrix, Training Day, Ocean’s 11), but they also have some, well… bad (Catwoman, The Dukes of Hazzard, Elektra). Can’t tell just by that, so what about the director?

Peter Segal, Hmmm... Not a bad pick. After all, I absolutely adore Naked Gun 33 1/3 and love Tommy Boy and My Fellow Americans. This guy can’t go wrong – oh wait. Nutty Professor 2? Anger Management? 50 First Dates was okay but I thought Longest Yard was kind of lame… well, that’s not a sure-fire sign of anything. This could go either way…

…so it all falls on the script. Written by… Tom J. Astle and Matt Ember… writers of a movie I’m proud to have never seen, Failure to Launch, and a bunch of mediocre sitcoms. Warner Brothers wasn’t giving me a reason to hope for this movie, so I read the script.

Maxwell Smart Begins. Yep, “Get Smart” gets the “Begins” treatment. These reboots and restarts are all the rage these days, so why should this be any different?

Did I laugh? Did I like it? Was it any good? Before I address these, let’s cover the first act.

We open with a history lesson: archival footage of threats to our freedom – Communist Russia, the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Berlin Wall. We are told that a shadowy criminal organization named KAOS was behind many of these threats, and in response, Eisenhower created a special secret spy agency named Control. Control had only one mission: fight KAOS.

Cut to a happy suburban home, 1975. A SPY covertly watches a WOMAN doing dishes and talking on the phone. Sneaking into the house, the spy takes aim through his crosshairs and fires. A suction cup dart hits the woman and she spins around, yelling not at a spy, but her son, TEN-YEAR-OLD AND HORRIBLY OBESE MAXWELL SMART.

We fade to present day – Shanghai harbor at sunset. An American naval vessel watches a suspicious-looking junk crawling with armed guards. The COMMANDER verifies that the junk is the location of a captive GOVERNER. A LIEUTENANT confirms and a torpedo is fired.

We follow the torpedo as it zips through the water towards the junk, but just before crashes through and explodes, it stops and a DIVER emerges from it.

Using a mix of handsprings and covert spy moves, the diver makes it below deck and locates the governor – none other than ARNOLD SCWARZENEGGER – just as the diver removes his mask and reveals himself to be a slim and Steve Carell-aged MAXWELL SMART.

Arnold reveals that PIRATES are holding him captive – pirates as in illegal DVD-burning, file-sharing, scourge of RIAA and MPAAs everywhere pirates. Max and Arnold go to town taking out the geeks, but not before a Tom Cruise and Lindsay Lohan self-destruction joke (that I desperately hope makes it in the movie – and this draft was written over a year ago – these guys must have been prophetic about Lohan) leads to the ship blowing up and…

…Max waking up from his equivalent of a wet dream. We follow Max around his modest apartment as he gets ready for his day. Around the abode, we get a view of his hobby – stacks of burned CDs labeled “Teheran Chatter 6/8 – 9/6” and "Beirut Chatter 7/7-8/4” and we get a flavor for his listening-tastes: conversations in Arabic and Turkish.

Max jogs around D.C. and, as fellow joggers listen to actual music, Max listens to a couple argue in Punjabi (a language spoken in India and Pakistan). He finishes his work-out routine with a Slimfast shake and heads off to work – his ID badge reading “MAXWELL SMART – ANALYST.”

We are treated to the “Get Smart” theme as Max attempts to make his way through a complicated series of doors. While stuck at the voice recognition door, several agents stride through, the door opening automatically: Max is at the low end of the totem pole here.

Finally arriving in HQ, Max is greeted by his boss THE CHIEF and given some bad news about his scores on the agent equivalency test. Max berates himself for failing, but the Chief corrects him – his scores were exceptional, but he is too valuable as an analyst to become an agent.

Max says he understands and heads to his cubicle where we meet LLOYD and BRUCE (apparently a subject of a spin-off direct-to-DVD movie coming out ten days after this is released in theaters), Max’s analyst co-workers. They attempt to console him when the suave AGENT 23 strides in, triumphant from yet another mission. Max greets him and he shows everyone his new scar, at which everyone ooohs and ahhhs. Max then asks 23 if he’s going to his presentation. 23 apologizes for missing it when Max informs him that he’s right on time – 23 looks thrilled.

At the meeting, everyone dozes as Max drones on about a huge, 600+ page report detailing the chatter he’s been listening to. In particular, Max discusses a suspected KAOS operative named DALIP, a man he explains is having a tough time with his wife for working too many hours.

Meanwhile, in GEORGIA (as the title on screen explains, “the former Soviet Republic, not the Peach State”), a crooked U.N. WEAPONS INSPECTOR gives his okay to some cargo clearly labeled “radioactive.” That night, a KAOS operative named SZCZERBIAK and his ASSISTANT (in later, these names have changed) and order men to load the cargo and burn the building, after which Szczerbiak shoots the Weapons Inspector and watches the warehouse erupt in flames.

At Control, the Chief examines photos of the burnt remains of the U.N. warehouse and explains radioactive material may have been stolen by KAOS. Max suggests raising the color-coded threat level, no longer the five colors used by Homeland Security, but now a vibrant 64-color chart, to terra cotta. Chief says it’s too harsh, so Max suggests dusty rose. Chief relents and goes with raw umber.

On his way out of the Chief’s office, 23 warns Max that a birthday cake is going to be present for Donna in accounting’s party. Max thanks 23 and dashes out, saying he’s taking on early lunch to avoid the temptation of the so many calories.

A short time later, Max, heart-broken, explains to an unseen person that he can never be there for this person because he’s too old, and as a field agent, he’d never be a good provider. We widen to reveal that he’s speaking to a BEAGLE PUPPY in a pet shop display. As Max backs away, he runs into a VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN who is jogging. Max attempts to flirt, but it fails miserably and the woman jogs off.

Max returns to find Control has been hit by a KAOS-sent explosive. Max encounters alarms, smoke, splattered cake, and a woman who holds him at gun point. Max turns to find out it’s the beautiful jogger, none other than the super spy AGENT 99. They find Bruce, Lloyd, and the Chief, but not before Max releases a fire hose and destroys what was left of Control.

At their temporary safe-house in the Jefferson Memorial, the Cone of Silence makes a cameo and the Chief reveals that KAOS has struck and every single agent overseas has been eliminated. One Valerie Plane joke later, the Chief explains their only lead – the bomb-maker and KAOS supplier NENAD KRSTIC, pronounced “Kris-tich.” The only problem: they have no idea where he is.

Hurt, Max reveals Krstic is in Italy, a fact he covered several times in his presentation that people obviously did not pay attention to. Chief then explains that for fifteen years, KAOS has always been one step ahead of Control. Since KAOS thinks Control is gone, the Chief decides to utilize the element or surprise and put together a covert mission to infiltrate KAOS, stop whatever they are up to, and possibly capture their ruthless and mysterious leader, SIEGFRIEND.

As 23 points out, all the agents have been compromised. “Not all,” responds the Chief, indicating 99, who recently underwent major plastic surgery, and the new AGENT 86, a thrilled Maxwell Smart.

Agents 99 and 86 bicker as they depart for their flight to Italy, unaware that they are being watched…

To briefly summarize the rest without spoiling acts two and three: after a hostile encounter on the plane and an abrupt landing in Italy, Max and 99 squabble some more, especially when 99 harps on his lack of experience in the field. The two fall onto the path of KAOS and find Krstic’s hideout where Max is giddy to get into his first gun fight, after which they discover a mysterious shipment headed for a Venetian bakery.

Later, they infiltrate the KAOS command center where Max notices a huge supply of nuclear arms. He manages to set a series of explosives to crumble the building and trap the stockpile, but not before he and 99 are caught and forced to flee right as the building crumbles, a la Casino Royale.

In celebration, the two clink champagne and truly become partners, if you catch my meaning. That is until it’s revealed the wreckage of the building has no trace of anything remotely weapon-like and Max is arrested and fingered as a double agent. Meanwhile, KAOS contacts the U.S. government to demand lots of money or their evil scheme involving WMDs will unfold. And just to prove they’re evil, a bomb will go off somewhere in America, even if the money is paid.

Not to ruin it for anyone, but Max escapes (shock), proves his innocence (double shock), and saves the day (triple shock), but not before a big fight at the end and an amusing but over-all-underwhelming climactic action sequence.

Parts made me smile. Others made me laugh. Overall, I did enjoy it, as it does have a lot of amusing bits to it that Carell et al. will surely be able to milk. Astle and Ember have also tried to stay true to the original “Get Smart” (while ignoring the forgettable movies and abominable spin-off) while updating the series for the modern audience. But did they succeed?

As I have discovered, diehard fans of the original who have had a chance to dissect the script answer with an emphatic “HELL NO.” While I do consider myself a fan of the series, I respectfully disagree with those who condemn this production.

Sure, the script didn’t have me squeal with delight and orgasm repeatedly upon completion, but it didn’t let me down like I was expecting, either. It’s obvious Astle and Ember knew their source material – the basic elements of the main characters are there, as are the puns, sight gags, jokes, political jabs, and of course, the catch-phrases. In fact, the script is chock-full of references to the original series, from “The old ____ trick” and “Missed it by that much” to Hymie, Fang, and even the shoe phone. All in all, the references to the original show are refreshing to a fan like myself, and even though a few feel a little forced and clunky, most work as is.

Diehards argue that the new characters don’t do the series justice. Max is a formally obese (dubbed “disturbing” by one fan) know-it-all hellbent on becoming an agent. I’m okay with it. Carell has stated early on that he is not doing a Don Adams impersonation and I have no doubt he’ll make the role his own.

Anne Hathaway as 99 works well, too. Have you seen those pictures of her in that white coat? Sure, 99 isn’t the immediately-complacent woman she was in the series, and Max and her don’t get along instantly like they do in the first episode of the series, but I am okay with that, too. The characters don’t leap out as award-winning writing, but honestly, in my opinion, characters like these are funny not on paper, they’re funny when the actors get behind the camera. Alright, they aren’t the same as they were in the show, but this isn’t a recreation, it’s an update, and it worked for me.

Another complaint is that the sexuality and violence are taken up from “practically nonexistent” to “present and accounted for.” Yeah, they’re there, but this isn’t the hardcore R rated raunch-fest that diehards are lamenting. Yes, it has some sexuality in it, yes, it has violence, yes, even a fart joke or two, but it’s not over-the-top or distracting, at least in my humble opinion. For those expecting a straight translation of the original, wake up, this isn’t 1960.

The political humor kicks it up a notch as well, with jabs at the Bush administration for 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, Iraq, and tax cuts for the rich. I may not have understood political references when I was a kid watching the original show, but the overall idea of satirizing the Cold War seems to make sense to update to satirizing the present-day war on terror. The political jabs are amusing and intelligent, although more than a little pointed.

As a fan, I felt it did a decent job updating things. Sure, it didn’t stay as loyal as it could have, but I for one think the writers did a nice job of creating an updated scenario for Control and KAOS.

I only have two complaints.

1. There are also some awkward beats and tonal changes that I am pretty sure have been cleaned up (I checked out some later drafts – a few character names have changed, but the plot is essentially the same) or will be left on the cutting-room floor.

2. The climax doesn’t exactly, well, climax. The final set piece and action sequence is not really that memorable. It has some comedic elements, some excitement, but not what I was expecting in a big summer action comedy. The first 2/3 of the script do a good job stepping up the action and the set pieces, but in my mind, the final 1/3 fell a little flat. There’s a fun plane sequence with Max and the Chief, but no worthy climax, especially considering that the good guys losing could precipitate the overall destruction of America.

In the end, I enjoyed Get Smart, I really did, but I didn’t put down the script thinking that I read a major hit. It’s enjoyable, but not a film that people will walk away from talking about and wanting to see again, a la Anchorman, Knocked Up, The 40 Year Old Virgin. Okay, so those aren’t high budget action comedies, let’s see… how about, Indiana Jones or Men in Black, as with a 75 million dollar budget, it has the potential to reach that height.

With a great cast, competent director, and a workable script, Get Smart has every potential to be an entertaining flick, so long as Segal and crew find a way to make the third act, especially the climax, more memorable. If they do, it may very well be a hit; if not, Get Smart won’t be bad, but it won’t be the summer tent-pole and possible franchise that WB is hoping for. And with an ending that hints that, with enough of a box office take, we’ll see a Get Smart 2, it sounds like WB is hoping for the former.