Jonah Hex

Reviewed by: - 03.17.08

EL MAYIMBE here…

I’m a huge fan of CRANK’S Neveldine and Taylor. Two of the craziest fuckers working in Hollywood today. These boys can write too. I was halfway through JONAH HEX and loving the shit out of it when my studio reader buddy CAXE called me up and asked me for something hot to read. I passed it along to him for a second opinion and I agree with pretty much everything he says below. The dialogue alone in JONAH HEX had me rolling. The only exposure I got to Jonah Hex was back in the day on BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES. I hope the studio has the balls to make this because ya’ll would be in for one hell of a ride. Let’s see what CAXE had to say below…

Hey Mayimbe!

I’ve been lucky to read some good stuff lately – Public Enemies was top notch, and now that luck continues with a rather surprising diamond in the rough – comic property Jonah Hex by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. And before you worry that this is one of those countless minor superheroes being stretched into a movie to earn a few bucks, do not worry because it is far from the shitty comic book translations as of late - I predict it now, Jonah Hex will be a kick ass movie; it’s basically Sin City crossed with Payback and Unforgiven.

If you aren’t familiar with the Western-themed DC anti-hero, don’t worry – you don’t need to be.
This is an origin story of sorts – and one helluva an origin at that. All you need to know is that Hex is a facially-scarred, one-liner spewing badass bounty hunter right out of the Civil War. What he lacks in rugged-good-looks he makes up in mystique – bordering on legends, the rumors, about him are mighty, and for good reason; the man just can’t seem to die.

Now I’m going to be vague on purpose because so many of these scenes are so gosh-darn entertaining and unconventional that I don’t want to spoil them – take that as a sign of how much I enjoyed this.

We open on JONAH HEX bringing a few ne’er-do-wells to the town of Stunk Crick to collect on a bounty. But things don’t work out as expected and there’s a large shoot-out. I’ll give you one guess who walks out in one piece. The encounter does not bode well for Jonah and he gets his ugly mug on a wanted poster with a hefty sum attached.

Meanwhile, a group of ruffians led by the baddest madman of the West, QUENTIN TURNBULL, blow up a train full of soldiers, women, and children. They make off with the train’s contents, most of which happen to be munitions for the recently-successful Union army.

Later on, Jonah visits LEILA, a lovely raven-haired lady of the night who happens to have a thing for him. As Jonah’s enjoying himself, a troop of government militia, led by LIEUTENANT GRASS, rides into town searching for the bounty hunter.

Jonah gets word of this and races out of town like a bat out of hell; but after a long chase, he is cornered by the men. Jonah tells them to get on with shooting him, but Grass laughs, saying that they aren’t there to arrest him, they’re there to employ him as a bounty hunter. The target? Quentin Turnbull.

Grass says Jonah is perfect for the job – not just because his reputation as a tracker precedes him, but also because of his history with Turnbull, a history in which Jonah is responsible for death of Turnbull’s son, and, based on Jonah’s reaction, probably much more. In response, Jonah now laughs, saying that Turnbull killed himself after the war. Grass tells him that Turnbull is very much alive and a huge threat to the recently restored Republic. Hex quickly agrees and sets off in search of Turnbull.

En route, Jonah has to drudge up his dark and haunted past to try to locate Turnbull and uncover his plan, but those familiar with Jonah aren’t exactly happy to see him when he comes around. And even though he does have allies in his quest, that price on his head can be pretty tempting, as can the desire for revenge.

My summary has not done justice to the work of Crank co-writers and directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. While Crank isn’t a work of art by any standards, in Jonah Hex, these fellows have crafted something truly entertaining that has, on top of crackling, hilarious dialogue and gritty, no-holds-barred action sequences, seriously fantastic story elements to it. A lot of subtle clues introduced early into the story come into play later on and provide some pretty nice pay-offs. And the set pieces for this flick are going to be top notch.

I think the thing I liked most with this was the character of Jonah Hex. Neveldine and Taylor do a superb job of making a relatively minor DC character larger than life and honestly show that he does indeed merit a full film, if not more. All of the dialogue is well-done, but Jonah is one-of-a-kind. His sense of humor, his personality reminds me of a weird combination between Marv from Sin City, Beetle Juice, and Dr. Gregory House from the FOX series House.

But don’t get the wrong idea – he’s not chatty, he’s a man of few words, which also really ramps up the mystique of the character as well. Throughout, we get little snippets of people discussing various legends about the guy, a sort of SNL Bill Brasky / Chuck Norris facts thing. I hope they don’t change this because it adds so much – we get the whole idea of Hex: people loathe him, fear him, respect him, and, based on the legends, wonder about him since no one knows the full truth except Hex himself.

My only complaint: the ending is a letdown, mainly because the rest of the script is so goddamn amazing. There are so many ways in which comic book and western clichés could be paraded around, but Neveldine and Taylor subvert them every time, setting up conventional situations over and over again and just finding every way to blow them straight to hell just like Jonah Hex. Well, all except the ending, which is the only conventional thing in the whole damn story. Honestly, I half expected, half wanted an ending that was hardcore and uncompromising, just like everything else – but all I got was an off-into-the-sunset. I understand Hex has traces of humanity, I understand we get to understand him better as a person, so I can take some of the humanity, but please, don’t just end with that – give me bleak, give me desolate, give me something funny – just don’t give me what you have now – please! It’s the only reason Jonah Hex is not getting an A+.

Beyond the ending, I got nothing but sheer enjoyment from Jonah Hex. It’s not perfect – there are about a dozen too many fart/ass/piss/shit jokes, some of the action scenes get a small touch repetitive, and, as mentioned, the ending puckers out big time, but it’s got the right balance of action and humor – and I’ve got faith it’ll come around before 2010. Even if it doesn’t and it’s set in its present form, it’ll still be one hell of a ride.