How is everyone doing out there! Everybody’s
loud, lewd and ON THE RUN Dominican EL MAYIMBE coming to you from
the border town of MEXICALI. Yes, on the run because my last script
review got me in so much trouble, that I found myself like Will
Smith in ENEMY OF THE STATE. I came home and my house was ransacked,
there was graffiti on the wall of that damn BAT-SIGNAL and they
even killed my poodle! Can you believe that! I found him dead
on all fours up in the air with a sick looking JOKER GRIN on his
dead face! Folks, I got the hint and I busted out of here! I left
the U.S. so I decided to settle in a town that I did an earlier
script review for. The town is MEXICALI. It’s not that bad
here! They serve guacamole at the Internet cafes! I also forgot
to mention that we are in the middle of spring break and there
are girls everywhere! They must be filming MEXICAN GIRLS GONE
BUCK WILD because all the chicas out here keep flashing their
tetas for the cameras! Bro, I seen enough skin out here to knock
the kink out of FCC CHAIRMAN Michael Powell’s head!
POLITICAL SOAPBOX MOMENT
To Michael Powell
Hey Uncle Tom! Leave Howard Stern alone!
Stop the witch-hunt!
Jodido Damn Ultra Conservative Right Wing
Puppet Pendejo!
END POLITICAL SOAPBOX
MOMENT
Point is I love this town! Unfortunately
spring break is coming to an end and I must return to the wonderful
world of script reviews. While I was gone I did notice some things
that still piss me off. It’s about these SLOPPY SECOND SCRIPT
REVIEWERS! Do we need yet another review of Batman: Begins and
Assault on Precinct 13?! I challenge all of you to be original
and get something nobody has seen yet online. If you still want
to review scripts I already did after I dropped my load then I
have just one thing to say to you….
HOW DOES MY DICK TASTE
LIKE!
Onto
the review:
As the reviews go on, I decided to change
the format just a little. I will no longer be posting excerpts
of the reviewed screenplay’s action, description nor dialogue
in any of the reviews (for legal reasons obviously). Plus I decided
to include a disclaimer.
NOTE:
The screenplays reviewed here at Latinoreview are often in development
and may experience many rewrites and changes. Some could end up
being completely different than what is reviewed here. It is our
hope that our reviews generate more positive interest in the film
and the filmmaker. Thank you.
Frank E. Flowers is a promising
young filmmaker from the Cayman Islands who first came to my attention
a year ago at Sundance with his short film “Swallow.”
Swallow was well crafted (awesome cinematography) and told the
cautionary tale of a drug mule. It won the HBO best short film
award at the American Black Film Festival. Make sure to check
it out if you happen to stumble upon it. For more info about the
film, go to www.swallowthemovie.com.
Haven on the other hand will
mark Frank’s feature directorial debut. It is currently
in post-production and the rumor hill has it that it may debut
at Cannes. The film will star Orlando Bloom, Bill Paxton, Joy
Bryant, Agnes Bruckner and Victor Rasuk from Rasing Victor Pinga
(oops! I mean Vargas! I thought that little movie sucked ass crack).
In my last
script review before Batman
Begins, I hinted that my next review would be
of a film starring Orlando Bloom and not ONE person picked this
film. Everyone and their mother picked Kingdom of Heaven!
As always, I will try to keep
my review as spoiler free as possible and will end up to the midpoint
of the film.
Haven,
which takes place over the course of one weekend, is about two
shady businessmen who flee to the Cayman Islands to avoid federal
prosecution. Their escape ignites a chain reaction that leads
a British native to commit a crime that changes the country. It
is basically an edgy, suspenseful ensemble character drama set
on Grand Cayman Island. The script is an interesting portrait
of life in the fast lane and the suspense that goes along with
it. Script goes on to show that life isn’t that perfect
on Grand Cayman. This kid knows his shit. The Script incorporates
a lot of flashback and flash forward techniques, which make the
drama more interesting. Should make for an interesting gritty
film.
The script begins with the cops
raiding the 1st Cayman Bank. A white Lincoln Navigator crashes
into a boat jack knifed into the trailer of a For Pick up Truck.
The driver FRITZ gets into the Navigator, the boat and pickup
aren’t his, he doesn’t have a license or insurance.
Cut to four months later in Miami. MR. ALLEN convinces Florida
businessman CARL RIDLEY to invest in Cayman Island real estate.
He wants the $1.2 million condo in his name and he will pay in
cash, Allen convinces Carl to let the company buy it and put it
into Carl’s daughter’s name. Carl surprises his daughter
PIPPA on her 17th birthday. The next morning Carl receives several
faxes, one of which is a brochure for a luxury condo. Federal
agents swoop into Carl’s home, and take evidence. Carl pulls
$1 million in cash from the bank and removes Pippa from school,
taking her to Grand Cayman. End Act One. Carl and Pippa will live
in the condo he just purchased there. Pippa hangs out and finds
a naked FRITZ sleeping in her bed! He makes a fast exit. Pippa
later finds Fritz at a beach bar later and hands over his wallet,
which he left behind. Fitz’s mother is the condo complex
MANAGER. Fritz sweet-talks Pippa into going out with him. When
Fritz picks Pippa up, he sees Carl counting money. Oh-Oh! Fritz
and Pippa party, and she meets islanders SHY and PATRICK as well
as EVA and other trust fund kids who party life away. Pippa snorts
some blow for the first time. Fritz takes Pippa to the harbor,
he breaks into a yacht and romances her until cops arrive and
break up the scene! Damn! Just when he was about to hit it! Four
months earlier, SHY receives papers in a Caymanian citizenship
process. Shy celebrates ANDREA’s 18th birthday by tapping
that ass in her bedroom. They’ve been waiting for this moment
(I remember that feeling when I was sixteen!). Andrea’s
family finds out, and violence occurs between Andrea’s brother
HAMMER and Shy. Four months later, Hammer sits in jail and is
released, apparently Shy wouldn’t testify against him and
that about cuts it to the middle.
BONUS
I’m going to introduce something new along with this script
review. I read a lot of screenplays and sometimes I just don’t
have the time to write my reviews for all of them thoroughly.
So I’m going to do my one-minute script reviews to scripts
which I read and that deserve honorable mention. Perhaps I will
elaborate on these little gems in the future like my other reviews
when the time permits.
EL MAYIMBE’S
ONE-MINUTE SCRIPT REVIEWS
RED
EYE by Carl Ellsworth. Phone Booth on a Plane.
Excellent thriller! 4 stars! 95 quick pages (I read it in an hour
on the train). Sold to Dreamworks last week. It’s about
a woman LISA held captive on an airplane. Her captor RIPPNER threatens
to kill her father unless she helps him arrange the assassination
of a wealthy businessman. Imagine yourself on a plane and the
annoying fucker that sits next to you knows everything about you!
Very creepy! Rumor has it that it’s on the fast track and
could be shot in 30 days. Rippner has dope dialogue. Actors will
line up around the block to play him!
THE
39 STEPS by Ehren Kruger. Screen story by
Robert Towne and Ehren Kruger. Based on the novel by John Buchan.
Another contemporary remake of Hitchcock’s classic spy/man
on the run film. The original starred Robert Donat back in the
days (1935). RICK HANNAY in this one is an international movie
star that is bored out of his skull with his success and longs
for those “serious actor” parts. On the night of his
latest movie premiere in Europe, he leaves the theater, goes across
the street, watches a chess match between a machine and a human.
A female reporter asks for his help, Hannay takes her back to
his hotel, she dies, he get’s pinned for it a-la Harrison
Ford in The Fugitive, and he is on the run throughout Europe.
He must clear his name and expose a mysterious spy ring known
as The 39 Steps. Loads of suspenseful action! 4 stars! Lot’s
of fun! Robert Towne will do it justice.
COMING
SOON FROM EL MAYIMBE
Another WORLDWIDE PREMIERE BIG TIME ENSEMBLE COMIC BOOK SUPERHERO
script review, which is about to nail a big director at a big
time studio. Trust me folks, I brought you Batman Begins so you
know my word is bond. It will be worth the wait. I promise. I’m
no sloppy second script reviewer!
That’s all
for now. Until the next episode
Yo Soy
El Mayimbe!
Onto
the review:
Haven,
which takes place over the course of one weekend, is about two
shady businessmen who flee to the Cayman Islands to avoid federal
prosecution. Their escape ignites a chain reaction that leads
a British native to commit a crime that changes the country. It
is basically an edgy, suspenseful ensemble character drama set
on Grand Cayman Island. The script is an interesting portrait
of life in the fast lane and the suspense that goes along with
it. Script goes on to show that life isn’t that perfect
on Grand Cayman. This kid knows his shit. The Script incorporates
a lot of flashback and flash forward techniques, which make the
drama more interesting. Should make for an interesting gritty
film.