El Mayimbe
And
Old School Bachata Mix-Tape Compilation Productions
Presents

Rating:

Hey everybody. Everybody’s depressed and deep-frozen Dominican back at you with a big time script review. Depressed? My beloved NY Mets missed out on getting a fine Dominican baseball player, Vladimir Guerrero. Deep-frozen? I’m freezing my balls off here in single digit temperature New York. Man I go outside to get my take out tostones and by the time I get home, my tostones are frozen solid that they become hockey pucks! Oh well. Onto the review.

We open on a MULTI COLORED SCREEN and basically spend the page watching how a tulip is picked from the ground and ends up in a flower shop where TESS wants to buy a floral arrangement for her parent’s 40th anniversary. A black sedan pulls up to the curb. One of the POWER TWINS gets out of the driver’s side. Tess sees this through the window. The power twin opens the rear passenger side revealing TERRY BENEDICT. She turns away from the window, scurries to the back to a unisex bathroom where she runs into Power Twin No.2 Uh-oh!

Back at DANNY OCEAN’S house, he gets a call from Tess, he tells her to chill and to call him at a special number in 24 hours. He hangs up the phone and runs out of the house. Back in the car, Tess sits next to Benedict with her floral arrangement. Benedict tells Tess that three years ago, she talked about her parent’s anniversary. Benedict gets married next month, so does Tess. Benedict tells Tess that he hopes Danny is as good as they say he is because a bouquet toss in prison can get pretty ugly.

Danny takes a safe deposit box out of a wall, opens the box, takes some cash, and a cell phone, he then goes to a train station and boards the train. The next couple of scenes we see how Benedict and the power twins intercept and gather Danny’s gang out of hiding. They include REUBEN TISHKOFF, THE AMAZING YEN, TURK and VIRGIL MALLOY, RUSTY RYAN, FRANK CATTON, LIVINGSTON, SAUL BLOOM, BASHER, and finally LINUS. Danny’s gang is all on this train and meet Danny in an abandoned warehouse in NYC. Danny gathers the gang and tells his boys to chill, the next thing you know, Danny and his crew are on airplane on their way to AMSTERDAM. By page 21 they arrive and are put up in a whack hotel called “Bellagio of Amsterdam” in the red light district. Linus puts them there. They change to a 5 star hotel and get 4 black Mercedes. Back in the states, Tess gets a phone card and talks to Danny. Danny apologizes to Tess and tells her he is going to do what he needs to do to take Benedict off of his back.

At an Amsterdam coffee house Danny, Rusty, and Linus go and get the details from a man in drag named EVELYN. Later, back at the boy’s Hotel suite, Danny gives his crew the details about the job. They have to infiltrate a privately owned home, extremely well protected. A photo of a four-story canal house is displayed on a flat screen connected to Livingston’s computer. They must go after a document. A very old, very valuable document:

The Vanderspeigle Getuigschrift.” What is it? A stock certificate.

DANNY
"The first one ever issued, from the first corporation on the planet. The Dutch East India Trading
Company. It’s the only one of its kind and it’s worth a boatload."

How are they going pull it off? What do they know so far?

DANNY
"There’s a dummy keypad by the front door. But the alarm is really controlled by the keypad in Mr. Vanderspeigle’s second floor office. Now, here’s good news: we already know the system’s master code. Evelyn gave it to us."

The bad news? He never leaves the house. He’s an agoraphobic. [A fear of open spaces]

Next comes the Amsterdam planning montage. We see shots of Vanderspeigle being an agoraphobic weirdo who hasn’t been out of the house (Coño! The sicotes and pequeca in this dudes house must be unreal). Then we see this dude’s servers inside his bedroom. A closed-loop system with two redundant servers locked into titanium cases in the bedroom. The street in front of the house is blocked off to vehicles plus it’s covered by five independently-wired surveillance cameras monitored 24 hours a day by a security company. My man is really a freak.

Danny gets an idea, they’re going to need a Schuman special to shoot the button on the alarm. Later they find out they don’t have line of sight, it’s impossible. Danny and Rusty go off and talk some more. Then they get another idea, a bit crazy. They need to raise the house slightly, only a few inches, then basher will have line of sight.

The next couple of pages detail the preparation on how Danny and his crew are going to prepare to infiltrate and lift the house. Basher aims to take his shot at the alarm. Then boom we cut to:

EUROPOL HEADQUARTERS. A male secretary HESS rushes through Europol’s extraordinary Richard Meier-designed headquarters and we meet Europol Agent ISABEL LAHIRI. A very driven Europol agent who takes down thieves hard. She gives a presentation to seventy-five of her colleagues about master thieves and their extinction until Hess breaks in and gives her the news. Next Isabel and Hess arrive at the Vanderspeigle house and goes over the crime scene. Through flashbacks, Isabel re-creates the crime scene and how the document was taken (won’t spoil it or it won’t be no fun). The kicker is that the stock certificate wasn’t stolen by Danny and his crew, but by a mysterious character, a handsome Frenchman simply called DINNER JACKET and he is the one who beat Danny to the document! I won’t reveal who Dinner Jacket is but it will be fun. Dinner Jacket and Danny argue, then Dinner Jacket smiles, pulls out a tiny electronic device out of his shirt pocket. He presses a button then boom the alarm goes off.

At this point we are at the midpoint. Complications ensure. Big ones. Trust me. But at this point if I go on I will spoil the entire movie but what I will say is this: Danny Ocean and his gang have to go to Rome and steal the Coronation Egg:

RUSTY
"Carl Faberge, the greatest goldsmith in history, constructed the Coronation Egg in 1896 for the wedding of Czar Nicholas and Alexandra. Every world-class thief in the last 108 years has tried to steal it. No one has even come close."

This is where it gets fun. Will Danny get the biggest score of his life? Will he get the egg? Will he get his document back? Will he get Terry Benedict off his back? Will he get the aggressive Isabel off his back? You’re going to have to find out when the movie comes out later this year.

Hasta El proximo capitulo:

El Mayimbe
elmayimbe@latinoreview.com

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