The X-Files: I Want to Believe

I've built a small movie theater in my living room.  I've got a state of the art multi-channel sound system, large screen, hi-def set-up; the works.  I'm not talking the kind of presentation an employee tries to sell you on at your local 'Best Buy', I'm talking something greater, something that makes you feel like your watching a move screen and not a fancy big TV.  The point of me investing in something like this is to recreate the movie theater experience, something you can't beat with even the most expensive technology and I have top of the line stuff. Though the industry is evolving with more and more films going straight-to-video, there is no way I'd want to see a big budget spectacle for the first time in my home theater or a screening room the size of it.

Imagine my surprise when I get word that the new 'X-Files' movie will be shown to critics not in a 300 plus size auditorium, but a tiny black box with 20-25 seats.  There's little difference between a screening room that size and my living room and that ain't a good thing.  Not only does presenting a film in a large theater with a huge screen enhance the experience, but to see it with a big audience adds to the excitement. I've seen bad movies with huge audiences, yet despite their boos and jeers the reactions added to the experience. When a movie studio doesn't go all out to present a movie in such a fashion it's not a good sign and a clear indicator that they don't have much confidence behind the movie.

The truth about the new sequel "The X-Files: I Want to Believe" is that the studio made a good call screening it for critics in a tiny black box.  That is, they made a good call if they hoped to make us feel like we were at home watching a TV episode.  Actually I would have been more comfortable at home where I could kick off my shoes and raid the fridge whenever I wanted.  Instead, myself and I'm sure several others, were uncomfortable, shifting in tiny seats and wondering why the hell a mediocre piece of entertainment like this was made?

I wouldn't call the original X-Files television series "groundbreaking" since the ground it tread was familiar to fans of "Twilight Zone", "Night Gallery" and "Kolchak: The Night Stalker."  What made the series work was the human drama and the realistic relationship between David Duchovny's Fox Mulder and Gillian Anderson's Dana Scully.  Their chemistry went beyond sexual tension; these two classy actors shared a believable intellectual relationship where they supported and often challenged each other.  It elevated the material which week to week would range from brilliant to pretty lame.  Series creator Chris Carter stated early on that he would end the series after five years because most shows begin to decline after that half decade mark.  He never knew how right he was because when the first movie premiered after the show's fifth season things were never the same. "Fight the Future" was a decent film that gave the series an epic scope, but failed to answer many questions that die-hard fans waited years for.  If they continued the series as a film franchise with a new movie every two or three years, the cast and creators might have had more time to decompress, allowing  the characters and the stories to grow.  Instead the series ended on a lame note after nine seasons and fans thought that was the end of it.  I kinda wish it was.

There was excitement to be found in the news that a sequel was being prepped and not only were Duchovny and Anderson back on board, but Chris Carter was directing.  A stand alone story? Sure, sounds good as long as we get some insight into what Mulder and Scully have been up to for the past six years.  Well apparently, not much.  After the series ending revelation that Mulder and Scully did get it on and conceived a child (later abducted), they've been basically playing house all this time. Scully or should I say Dr. Scully, works full time at a church funded hospital, while Mulder, still wanted by the FBI for his antics, spends most of his time pasting up newspaper clippings in the den of their home.

Duchovny and Anderson have been away from their roles for so long that they don't seem like Mulder and Scully anymore, especially the former.  Even with a shaggy beard his demeanor resembles that of 'Californication's' Hank Moody than a conspiracy paranoid former FBI agent.  Under the direction of Special Agent Dakota Whitney(Amanda Peet) an investigative team at the Bureau makes contact with Mulder in hopes of locating a missing agent.  If he participates in their investigation, his slate will be wiped clean with all forgiven.  Mulder is just as skeptical as always, but Scully pushes him to accept the deal and over the course of the story grows to regret it.

Whitney's team have been aided by a Joseph Crissman (Billy Connolly) a psychic who has been able to provide them with useful clues.  The problem is Crissman is a former priest and convicted pedophile and though his info has been useful, he may be just telling them what they want to hear.  That's where Mulder comes in.  Whitney is not exactly the most popular girl at the Bureau right now and even her partner Agent Drummy (Alvin 'Xzibit' Joiner) isn't sure bringing in Mulder was a good idea.  But Whitney is a fan of Mulder's work and knows he can pick up on whether or not Father Joe is telling the truth.

Father Joe's abilities have led the Bureau to a severed male arm buried in the snow near the home of the abducted agent and pretty soon Mulder and the team are stumbling across more than just a few body parts.  When a young woman who shares no connection to the agent is also abducted in a similar fashion, it becomes clear to Mulder that this case is bigger than he thought.  Though he finds himself caught up in the thrill of the chase, Scully, who has turned her back on the Bureau, begins to wonder if the life they have built together is coming to an end.

Perhaps the only good thing about "I Want to Believe" is the relationship between Mulder and Scully. After watching them dance around their feelings for each other for nine years, they have finally come together as a couple.  Rather than bore us with make-out sessions or typical romantic conversations between two people, Carter and co-writer Spotnik have wisely written material where Mulder and Scully's relationship is more like a partnership than romance.  She's turned her back on the darkness that came with investigating the paranormal and has now inadvertently turned Mulder back towards it. These two people know each other inside and out.  In one scene Mulder tells Scully "I can hear you thinking."  In another she determines that his search for the missing agent is his way of still searching for his missing and long declared dead sister.  She also admits that his stubbornness is the reason she fell in love with him and also why they can't be together.  Scully has her own personal dilemma and it comes in the form of a subplot involving her patient, a young boy with a rare and fatal brain disease.

For true fans of 'The X-Files' the dynamic between Mulder and Scully remains intact and has even evolved on an emotional and dramatic level.  Unfortunately it's wrapped up in a plot that is completely stupid.  I won't reveal specific details, but not only is what Mulder and Scully are chasing after completely boring, it's lame to the point where you don't really care.  Mad doctors, mutilated victims and a MacGuffin that only Mary Shelly could have dreamed up don't provide any excitement, thrills or chills.  On top of that the investigation resembles that of police detectives searching for a driver who ran a red light.  I've seen more excitement on 'Dog the Bounty Hunter' or an episode of 'Supernanny' with some truly rowdy kids.  The story is so mediocre that there are actually no supernatural elements. When we get to the grand revelation at the end it's like "Oh, that's it?!"

Duchovny and Anderson's interaction are great, but with everyone else, it's rather flat.  Did Chris Carter owe rapper Xzibit a favor or is he being blackmailed?  Why the heck is this guy in this movie if all he does is look gruff in a suit?  "Pimp my X-Files?  Even if he provided Mulder with a pimped out helicopter to chase the bad guys with the movie would still be a snooze-fest.  Amanda Peet's Agent Whitney is no different from the doe-eyed characters she usually plays.  There's supposed to be a hint that she may have a small crush on Mulder, but even Scully looks barely fazed when Whitney rubs her hand on his smooth face after he shaves that beard.  Billy Connolly is a brilliant comedian and skilled actor, but as Father Joe, even his routine gets lame after a while. When its determined he has a psychic connection with one of the bad guys for mysterious reasons, it's handled rather poorly than as a great revelation. 

Carter and Spotnitz have stated that they wanted to make a scary movie and the studio thankfully left them alone to do what they wanted.  That was a big mistake, because the only thing scary about the story is how bad it is. For die-hard fans looking for a few in jokes or surprises, there's nor Krycek (dead), no Cigarette Smoking Man (dead), no Lone Gunmen and no Doggett or Reyes.  Former boss Walter Skinner (Mitch Pillegi) does pop up and actually comes to Mulder's aid in a pinch, but even his appearance feels tacked on.  No werewolves here either. I always suspected that photo of Duchovny in make-up that made the rounds was a joke. It was obvious and meant to misinform.  Now it seems like a more interesting plot than what they've given us.

There have been some pretty lame episodes of the X-Files, but they pale in comparison to what a lazy piece of writing this film is.  There are times, when you feel as if a commercial break might occur, which would have been welcome to me because I could have stretched my legs.  Even Mark Snow, creator of that iconic theme, provides a musical score that fails to excite or inspire.  I was personally planning on paying to see this film again to experience it with the fans, but I'm not sure if I can stand a second viewing or their inevitable disappointment.  It's that bad.  For those that do make it through, there's even a coda after the credits that negates a very important scene between Mulder and Scully at the very end of the film and feels like it came from an entirely different movie.  At that moment I actually thought the real movie might begin.  If you're interested in just seeing Duchovny and Anderson again, when they're together they don't disappoint.  Otherwise this lazy and unnecessary bore might as well be called "The ZZZZZ Files".