Quarantine

Halloween is getting close which means its time for the onslaught of horror films. Actually, the time of year barely makes a difference anymore since Hollywood releases horror films rather frequently and just about every one of them are a joke. If you're eager to give the new film 'Quarantine' your hard earned dollars then the joke will be on you. This assault on your senses (and your patience) is another remake of a film that wasn't that good to begin with. Recreating the premise of the Spanish language horror picture 'Rec', "Quarantine' is the story of intrepid reporter Jennifer Carpenter (who has had her share of horror as the title character in 'The Exorcism of Emily Rose' and plays 'Dexter's' sister on T.V.) and the nightmare she lands in while shadowing members of L.A.'s fire department for a local news report.

With her trusty camera man Steve Harris she tags along with heroes Jay Hernandez and Jonathan Schaech on a routine call to an apartment building. Apparently there seems to be an old woman whose screams have been upsetting the neighbors and when help arrives this grandma has a few surprises in store for them. Assisting the fireman are patrolman Columbus Short and his partner who ends up with a chunk of his throat ripped out when the old woman suddenly decides to take a tasty bite out of him. That's what you get when you approach a weird old woman who happens to be foaming and drooling from the mouth. When the fireman try to help Short carry his wounded partner outside, they discover the authorities have already arrived and are in the process of locking them in. Within minutes, the building is sealed by armed soldiers wielding firearms, trapping the two cops, the firemen, the tenants as well as Carpenter and her camera man inside.

Why would the authorities want to isolate them from the outside and how did they arrive so quickly? Well it may have something to do with the fact that several of the tenants are sharing the same symptoms as that crazed old woman and whatever is causing it appears to be contagious. There's no way for them to escape and to top it off, Harris is miraculously recording all the footage on his endless supply of tapes. The disease appears to be spreading by way of crazed victims looking to chomp on anyone's flesh. Whether it be a chemical weapon or some new form of rabies, whatever the cause is the people trapped inside will die if they don't somehow escape. That's right folks, you are now inside a zombie horror movie.

There had to have been at least one studio executive that played a part in greenlighting this production that knew they were basically making 'The Blair Witch Project' with zombies in an apartment building. Even with such a familiar premise there is a way to make the gimmick entertaining and director John Erick Dowdle fails on every level. For starters, our band of heroes are a bunch of morons and their idiocracy leads to their downfall. We've got Schaech hitting on Carpenter and wearing some God awful porn star mustache; 'Ally McBeal' veteran Greg Germann as a veterinarian who compares the virus to rabies; tenant Rade Serbedzija as another "Russian guy"; Dania Ramirez, being whiny and running around in her underwear and Columbus Short trying to stay the man in charge by constantly threatening and waving his gun at Steve Harris and his intrusive camera. Hernandez seems to be the only character that's working to help everyone, yet even he can't help but look foolish. As for Carpenter, she goes from inquiring reporter to a nervous wreck to a basket case. With her increasing whimpering you'd think Short would use his sidearm and put a round in her head and shut her up.

Every single one of these characters make bad choices and there is nothing logical behind them. Despite waving his gun around, Short rarely uses it even though there are ravenous zombies running around as well as a rabid dog. One character is even told to search for an infected girl in the pitch black building just to inject her with a syringe and ends up meeting his death instead of just shooting her. Harris has one cool move where he literally bashes a zombie's head in with his camera, yet doesn't get a drop of blood on his brand new sneakers. Since the entire story is told from his point of view, I guess its a good thing he's carrying that camera around for the entire film otherwise there would be no movie. There's also the fact that he waits till the last minute to remember he has a night vision mode on the camera just like Serbedzija forgets to remember that there's a trap door in the basment that leads to the sewer for an escape

You can't find logic in these stupid types of films, but I do have just one question. If this unknown infection causes its victims to go rabid and attack anyone, then why don't they also attack each other? If they are mindless, why do they selectively chase after only the uninfected? And just how the hell can they see so well in the dark? I guess audiences seeking thrills don't really care to have such answers, but this film is only good for a few (unintentional) laughs. Sadly if they continue to support pictures like this, the studio execs will be the only ones laughing...all the way to the bank.